What is aggressive communication

Surely every person at least once in his life faced with aggression in one or another of its manifestations. The phenomenon is, to put it mildly, unpleasant. In addition, from him often there are consequences in the form of physical harm. But these are extreme cases. Now, all the same, I would like to talk about a more “innocuous”, verbal form of aggression.

What is aggressive communication


With consideration of the concept should begin. So verbal aggression is a verbal “attack” of one person on another. It is expressed, as a rule, in shouts, threats, curses and outbursts of anger. In all that can cause psychological trauma, simply put.

However, the "source" of the negative does not harm physical health. Therefore, such manifestations are called verbal (verbal, verbal). But, as practice shows, the damage from it is no less.

Behavior characteristics

Verbal aggression is a phenomenon with a list of negative characteristics. Here are just some of them:

What is aggressive communication

  1. Verbal aggression is destructive. In particular, when a person pretends that nothing is happening. His opponent feels aggression, but his feelings are not taken into account. Because of this, he experiences dismay, pain, and frustration.
  2. She hits on self-esteem. An impressionable person, faced with verbal aggression, begins to think that everything is really wrong with him, and consider himself a nonentity.
  3. The contempt expressed by such behavior can be very clear and sincere, affecting the living.
  4. Verbal aggression is an unpredictable phenomenon. A person can live in peace and not suspect that in the next second a squall of evil jokes, caustic comments and sarcastic jokes will fall on him. It can knock out a rut.

And for whatever purpose the aggression manifests itself, the reason is always the same – hostility. We live in a social society, and we cannot all like each other. But only some people are adequate, and restrain their negative feelings, while others are not.

Classification by type of manifestation

Verbal aggression – this behavior, which is of two types.

  1. Open It manifests itself in angry attacks, insults, curses, threats, hysterical attacks. And, as a rule, for something that a person has never done or even thought about.
  2. Hidden More insidious and vile, because it is very invisible and gradual. This aggression is surreptitious, due to the manifestation of which a person subordinates his opponent to himself, who himself does not know about it.

In general, aggression itself is a manipulative phenomenon, but hidden – especially. For the person who manifests it consciously seeks to control his opponent. And sometimes he doesn’t really understand what he is manipulating. It can only be noted that his life is not as planned.

But how is the manipulative function implemented? It’s all about the psychological effect. First, the self-esteem of the “victim” falls. And she herself does not notice. Just starts asking these questions: “Hmm, can something really be wrong with me? But what? Maybe it is worth changing? As a result – loss of self-confidence. Then – trying to change, so as not to annoy the aggressor. And in the end – absolute obedience to him.

This is observed everywhere. In unhappy couples, in groups, in the relationship between the boss and subordinates, etc.


This is one of the categories of indirect verbal aggression. Manifested usually in the relationship between a man and a woman.

What unites the pair? Intimacy, empathy, empathy. Between them is more than communication. But only if both parties are openly talking about experiences, emotions and feelings. Unfortunately, not in all pairs so. Sometimes one party does not want to share it with its other half and support it.

When a person refuses to listen to his loved one and denies his experiences, this is a manifestation of isolation. He leaves all his feelings, thoughts and emotions to himself. And with the second half behaves detached and cold.

A closed aggressor can pretend that he does not hear his partner, is specifically distracted by extraneous things. From him you can hear these words: “Well, what can I say? What do you want to hear from me? No, you will not be interested. Why do you ask, because you still do it the way you want! ”

Such words offend and disappoint. Relations, as a result, lose their meaning, because it simply cannot be without spiritual intimacy.

Desire to object

Another common category. An objection is the most destructive form for a relationship. After all, it appears when there are contradictions. And on them it is impossible to build any relationship at all.

The aggressor will always be angry, even if the opponent’s opinion does not coincide with his view on any minor topic. Even in the choice of milk. “Why do you buy bottled? It is the same as in the package! Why pay for packing? This is stupid, irrational and not economical! Any adequate person would agree with me! ”


This is even worse. The verbal aggressor simply spits into the soul of the opponent, forgetting that he has feelings, experiences, experience. Demonstrates his indifference with such phrases: “You are too sensitive. You make a scandal from scratch. You have no sense of humor. You think inadequately. You make an elephant out of a fly, as usual. Do you want to quarrel? "

Especially sensitive people are really starting to believe that not everything is in order with their perception of the world. As soon as they perceive the words of the aggressor as truth, their feelings are filled with a feeling of emptiness and wild confusion.

Why in all topics related to verbal and non-verbal aggression, more attention is paid to the consideration of the categories of the first of these? Because they are more sophisticated in psychological terms. Non-verbal aggression is the infliction of physical injuries, there are no tactics in it.

But in verbal there. Take, for example, threats. How many girls were led to such a phrase: “Do as I say, otherwise I will abandon / have a mistress”? Threats of separation, divorce, beating … all this is also aimed at manipulating. And, unfortunately, often this method works. The person simply scares the opponent with the loss of something important for him or the likelihood of experiencing severe pain.

Calling and command tone

That is an obvious manifestation of aggression. The most interesting thing is that a person, even calling his opponent in principle positive words, can demonstrate his anger. It’s all about intonation. “Beloved”, “sweetheart” and “dear” can sound like an insult if spoken with malice, irony, sneer and sarcasm.

The command tone is also a manifestation of aggression. He denies equality. The aggressor simply does not see a person in a partner. He does not ask, but orders, showing that he is only a convenient tool for him to fulfill his desires. The words "please" and "thank you" are never uttered by them. “Do it”, “Buy it”, “Go there”, “Prepare my favorite dish” are typical phrases of an ungrateful cad.

The best reaction – ignore

Many people ask themselves: “How to cope with verbal aggression?” The answer is simple. The best moral weapon is ignoring. What is the purpose of the verbal aggressor, showing his rage? He counts on a certain reaction. He wants to hurt his opponent, hurt him, upset, make him worry.

So, all this should be ignored. At least visually. Show the aggressor that all his attacks have no weight. Demonstrate neglect. You can confuse the aggressor even with an arrogant clatter and a flick of the hand. Or the phrase: "You said everything?"

But you need to be careful in this case. Often, indifference awakens a sports interest in the aggressor and a desire to ruffle the “victim” in even tougher ways. In this case, it is not necessary to retreat from the position of ignoring. But in addition, you will have to convince yourself that this man is a miserable, resentful fool of life, with whom it is useless to argue. To answer insults is to give him what he wants, to provide him with pleasure. But he is not worthy of such "honor".

If the attacks are constant

In general, the most correct reaction to verbal aggression is the breaking of the connection with its “source”. Unfortunately, this is the only sure way. Because the aggressors are energy vampires, and they are by nature. They need to go away, so as not to spoil his life. You can ignore attacks for a long time, laugh it off, wave it off, or even argue, defending your principles. But is it necessary? After all, the feeling of discomfort is not going anywhere. And living in such a situation is impossible.

Although many people, talking about how to cope with verbal aggression, give good recommendations. You can use the following key phrase: “This is part of my life. My conviction. I will not refuse it. ” The logical phrase, only it does not work with aggressors who live by the principle: "There are only two opinions: my and the wrong."

So, by definition, verbal aggression is something from which you need to save yourself. Move away from showing her relatives, parting with a partner, moving away from an unbearable boss. Many will call such a decision escape. But this is not all so. This decision is a step towards your personal comfort, harmony and trouble-free lifestyle without energy vampires.

Children’s rage

The problem of verbal aggression in children is very relevant. After all, the child throughout his childhood changes his attitude towards almost everything that happens around him, constantly communicating with his parents and peers.

At this time, formed their character and personality traits. The child learns to establish contact, restrain his emotions, set priorities, take responsibility for what has been said. A lot of tasks for the baby. Many people are “freaking out”, not understanding why they want to want so much about them and why they should do anything at all.

Although this is more complex concepts. The simplest and most primitive manifestations of verbal aggression are the teasers and insults of their peers.

But the attacks of children of a different nature are considered by psychologists as an attempt to protect their “I”. Or as the desire for active contact with others and the denial of group norms, values ​​and rules.

Anyway, in psychology this verbal aggression is considered as the norm. On average, 50% of children are prone to its manifestation. Most often – because of education or a negative microclimate in the family. But often the children of good parents become aggressors. In any case, it is necessary to pay a lot of attention to the early upbringing of children in a cultural environment, teaching them traditions and good.


From childhood to adolescence. We all went this way. And everyone knows how often verbal aggression is manifested in adolescents.

What are the reasons? Psychologists have come to the conclusion that this is a complex personal education, the causes of which can be both psychological and sociological factors. The most popular are violations in the emotional, moral and volitional spheres, family disintegration, improper upbringing (too strict or too indifferent).

But most often their verbal aggression is only a form of protest against adult misunderstanding. It is especially pronounced in adolescents with increased excitability, temper and irritability. And a clear expression of all of the above is a reflection of the disharmony of the intrapersonal development of the adolescent and his social disadvantage.

So what’s the point?

Verbal aggression – a phenomenon incomprehensible to many positive-minded people. Of course, many of us sometimes experience outbursts of anger when the day is not set. But what are the causes of constant aggression? There are several of them. People to whom it is peculiar usually:

  1. They can not otherwise preserve their individuality, stand out.
  2. Trying to prove it right.
  3. This increases self-esteem, affirming at the expense of the weakness of others.
  4. Attract attention to themselves.
  5. Quench the thirst of power.
  6. Trying to make themselves credible, humiliating the rest.
  7. They just do not know how to maintain control over the situation in a different way.

This is a short list of reasons. Be that as it may, aggression (verbal and physical) is one of the worst social phenomena. She ruins everything. Therefore, it is necessary for one to wean oneself from its manifestation, and for others to protect oneself from such.

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