Relationship builds lead
Lead in a relationship – this is the one who builds them for themselves, leads and directs them. In other words, the leader is the captain, the chief.
The captain is gaining a team. The chief takes to his work a valuable specialist. And it is the boss and the captain who set the rules that the potential slave either wants to accept and join the team, or does not want to.
Slave – the one who is inclined to adapt to the partner. The one who accepts the rules established by the captain.
Who is leading on the responsibility for specific relationships. And if you want to build a truly harmonious, pleasant relationship to both, then you need to understand what role you play in them.
One should never forget such a simple, and at the same time complicated, thing that a woman always wants to be a woman and be realized as a woman. A man always wants to be a man, and be realized as a man. At least – at the subconscious level.
Therefore, given the natural role models in a relationship, if a woman is leading, then most likely, sooner or later, she will lose attraction to a man. Therefore, we will proceed from the fact that in order to build a HARMONIOUS relationship, the man leading by default must be a man.
That man must build relationships. This is his direct responsibility and task. With him and demand.
How does the master and slave in the relationship
Each person has a certain array of beliefs and values.
In simple words, human convictions – these are logical opinions. That is, when a person “considers” something at the “right / wrong” level. BUT values in life a person is on an emotional level – when you like something. Or do not like.
As a result, each person turns out a certain metaphorical bag, full of beliefs and values.
Beliefs and values ("U" and "C") are
very important (critical) and unimportant. Conventionally, we denote them as “Y” and “C” from the category of “CRIT” – critical, and from the category “POH” – not very important.
1. “POH” – These are “U” and “C”, which are conventionally not important. Every person has things that he, in principle, almost does not care. That is not important.
2. "CRETE" – This is a hard plus (something should be so), or negative (something should be wrong). And nothing else.
People live, people act based on their beliefs and values. And when a pair is created, these beliefs and values begin to overlap. And in the process of creating a pair – to be identified.
Intersection options "Y" and "C":
1. Matching "U" and "C". If "U" and "C" are the same, then there is nothing special to do. With your natural behavior, you do what the other needs.
2. The intersection of "U" and "C" at the level of "POH" – "POH". When both are anyway. It is at this moment that such a notion appears as leading and leading in relationships.
Therefore, if you encounter “POH” on “POH”, then if you are the presenter, then you need to organize it so that you act from your “U” and “C”. Theoretically, you can adapt to a partner, but this is a conscious occupation of the position of a slave. Then gradually you will build such a relationship, what your partner wants, not you.
3. Intersection of "CRETE" on "POH". Here should win for whom this is a critical value. It does not matter who is leading, and who is being led. The task of the lead is to give in where the "KRIT" is with his partner, and he has the "POH" himself.
4. Collision "U" and "C" level "CRETE" – "CRETE". That is the clash of mega important beliefs and values.
If here goes at the level of trifles, then the leader must change the perception of his partner to the one that is critical for the leader. Let’s just say, on the little things, theoretically, you can squeeze the power. This is a bad option, but it is still possible.
If we are not talking about minor things, then there are 2 options:
a) Either you can change the “U” and “C” of the slave. b) Or after some time there is a high risk of separation.
That is, if you fall on the values of the level of “CRIT” – “CRIT”, which are basic and vary very squeakily and for a long period of time, then such relationships will most likely not be possible to do. Because even if one of the partners bends for a while, this value will still hang. Anyway, every moment when it arises will be unpleasant.
And sooner or later, such a pair will simply be taken away. Since there is one feature: if some value is not satisfied for a long time, it becomes more and more important.
Theoretically, you can try to build a life so that you do not get stuck together in a situation where such "C" come out. But it is difficult.
The presenter should have a sufficiently low "Y" and "C" level "POH". If he has "POH" for everything, then the partner may get the impression that the leading POH is on the partner. In addition, the one for whom everything is important, who has more critical “Cs”, will automatically become the leader and build relationships for himself.
Clarification: the presenter is not the one who kicked the partner into the position he likes. The presenter is the one who works hard and hard for the relationship to be in a convenient format.
The role of the presenter comes out only in two points – what to do with equal values: “POH” on “POH”, or “CRET” on “CRET”. Because when they match, everything is fine. When one "POH", and another "KRIT", it is also clear here – to whom it is important to that and do.
Gradually, this model in a pair comes to some kind of balance. The couple begins most of the time to live in shared values.
How to be a leader
Being leading – it does not mean that in 100% of cases to do as you want. If there are, for example, 20 options "POH" on "POH", then in 15-18 we do as the leader wants, in the others – as the slave wants. If you have a nasty business, 4 "CRETE" came out on "CRETE", then you lost one "CRETE", and 3 you wrung out.
Enough 70-80%. No need to be 100% lead. It is harmful. No need to rest for every moment. In general, the relationship does not need to particularly rest. Try to do it so that it is a search for some compromises. Just be aware that when both “POH”, then decides the lead. That is a man.
For the lead, a normal compromise is a 3: 1 win. For a slave, a normal compromise is winning 1: 3.
Accordingly, for partnerships (when there is no clear separation) this score is conditionally 2: 2. Such couples are quite rare. This is usually when there are many concurrent values. Because when everything is the same, it is impossible to understand who is the leader and who is the slave.
That is, people are so close to each other in terms of coincidence that everything coincided, the partners turned out. It happens on the contrary, well suited in terms of additions. Well, it’s a sin not to take half of the partner, if the partner in 50% of cases is clearly more to the right.
The facilitator should love YOURSELF a little more than a partner.
You always give preference to your desires, taking care not to trample on the critical values of your partner, and to ensure that your partner is comfortable too. If there is a real opportunity, then you push through yours.
If you love a partner more than yourself, you will have a sincere desire, in all cases of equality of values, to do what your partner wants. Therefore, if someone loves a partner more than himself, then this “someone” will be led. Exceptions are powerful will power, self-organization and tracking of technical issues.
There is one more thing –
Leading internally morally must be ready to leave.
What is meant? – The option, “yes you went, I will leave at any time” is a bad option. Both trust and desire are undermined here. In short, some kind of heresy.
The closest analogy that can explain this is the samurai with their hara-kiri. That is, the samurai does not want to do harakiri. He is not an idiot. He wants to live happily ever after. But! If a situation arises, that according to the laws of honor he must make hara-kiri, then he will. He won’t like it. No one likes to do hara-kiri. And he will even die after that. But we have to.
Here is the position of the lead she is the same. He is ready to leave in certain situations. Certain situations are those when tough confrontations at the level of “CRIT” – “CRET” were launched.
If CRIT values on CRIT intersect, it is very important for both of them. And there will benefit the one who is ready to make himself hara-kiri. If you are ready to leave, then you will fight to the last. And you can either convince, or spread, or push.
Or in the worst case, the harakiri will have to do the lead. That is, to declare that the relationship is over – we scatter. Because if you are a leader, then in addition to pleasant things there are also unpleasant ones.
That is, the leader is ready to go to the end. So that where it would be important for him “according to him”. Driven to the end is not ready. Slave usually loves partner more and because of this is not ready to part. And it doesn’t matter who leads here – a boy or a girl. In this aspect it is absolutely the same.
No need to step on the throat of their critical values in the period of love. It is important to regard the relationship as infinitely long initially. And do WHAT and HOW you can do infinitely long.
Because if during the period of being in love you do what is uncomfortable, then you will not be able to do it all your life. There will be a recession. And the partner will think that love has passed. The partner does not think that these are critical values of a person who were caught in the period of love. He thinks love has passed.
Therefore, INITIALLY do only what you will comfortably do all your life. Initially, consider relationships as a long-term perspective. Then you will immediately get the right values, you will immediately have the right attitude and the right actions. And if you negotiate somewhere, then you understand – ok, I am satisfied with this arrangement for life.