Parents are the first and main teachers of the child. They give him a wide variety of knowledge about the world around him, reading books to him, answering a great many questions, sometimes confusing. And, perhaps, the most tricky of the children’s issues that cause an adult a sense of confusion and confusion: "Where did I come from?".
If your 3-year-old son is interested in why he does not go to the toilet like a girl, you can be sure that he is developing according to his age and moderately curious. From about this age, children begin to distinguish each other by gender. The usual situation – a curious child, whose eyes you are trying in vain to translate into a lyrical landscape, asks: "And what are two funny dogs doing there and why do they climb on each other?" You can, of course, answer that they play "horses". But it is better, using the right moment, to explain that this is how they have puppies. And do not go into details if the child does not ask about them. And if you ask, tell him at the level of his understanding, something like the language you would explain, for example, the device of the alarm. At the same time, note that the latter is of no less interest to him than the question from which you have a sharp release of adrenaline in the blood. Being carried away, do not confuse an adult language with a childish one and do not frighten a child for life with stories about an enraged spermatozoon that is striving with all its might to pierce an unsuspecting egg cell.
The moment when your 4-year-old baby asks about the mystery of birth, you must use it. Otherwise, he will try to get a response from other sources – starting with the films and ending with "experimental games" with other children. Oh, these games of children whose parents in time did not explain to them that there are things in life that are not shameful, but intimate, relating to the relationship of only two close adults!
Teacher of the middle group of kindergarten tells: "From behind the door of the game room, I heard moans, languid gasps and exclamations: "Let’s make Love!". Entering the room, I saw how the girls diligently laid on the Barbie doll her cavalier and voiced the stage, imitating ecstasy. And I exclaimed in horror: "Stop doing this stuff!" Now I feel that I did wrong, but I still don’t know how I should behave in that situation.".
4-year-old Kohl watched on bed the bed scene. At the most pathetic moment when the main character threw his inactively resisting lady into a cot, he excitedly waggled his fist, began to cheer, shouting: ". and in the face, and in the face!". Parents laughed to tears, touched by the child’s ridiculous naivety. And a week later, from the balcony of the second floor, they watched with horror as he laid the girl on the grass and with keen interest investigated how it differs from him, absolutely without being embarrassed.
In this case, grab hold of your head and ask yourself the tragic question: "Where in my child is it? Who taught him that?" – not worth it. External manifestations of interest in the opposite sex do not come from extra knowledge, but from questions that you did not answer in time. Adults simply did not explain to the child what a man and a woman can do together in bed, and he had to go all the way through experimentally.
And what, actually, to say?
Talking to a child about sex is necessary in the language corresponding to his age. At 3, 4 or 5 years, the question of where the children come from can be safely answered: "From my mother’s tummy. The babies are safe and warm there and they grow up under the heart of the mother". For the little ones it will be enough.
To the question "And how does a baby come into the world?" – answer: "Mom has a special hole in the lower abdomen, and through it, with the help of a doctor, the baby gets out into the world". – "I want to see!" – the child says. – "And this is impossible. Everybody has special places on the body that cannot be shown to anyone.". By the way, right there it would be nice to ask if he knows exactly which places.
Next question: "How does a baby get to mom’s belly?" About this, as a rule, ask more adult children. Answer: "Mom in the tummy appears seed, from which the baby grows. When mom and dad sleep together, they hug, and the seed from dad goes to mom". At the age of 10-11 years, you can already explain exactly how this happens: "When mom and dad want to have a baby, because they love each other, they gently embrace and kiss before falling asleep, and then the seed from the daddy’s penis through the hole in the bottom of my mother’s stomach gets into her body. This is how a new life is born.".
And most importantly, no matter how many times your child asked you his innermost questions, always answer him calmly and confidently.
The school will tell you everything.
However, let us assume that your child is already 6 years old, and he has not yet asked you questions about sex, and you have not observed any interest in this problem. Maybe then you should not touch on this slippery topic, believing that before the wedding, he would be most interested in cartoons and the collection of candy wrappers from chewing gums? In the end, the school will have anatomy lessons.
But before the anatomy of your child is still 8 years of study. And over the years he will be told this. And then the lesson is a lesson: it is only a statement of any knowledge in a scientific language. And who will tell your child about love, tenderness, elevation of feelings? Who will explain that, unlike animals, people are guided in intimate relationships not by instinct, but by feelings?
Therefore, at the age of 6, it is necessary to provoke a conversation on this topic by ourselves. How? This is purely your creativity, for example, this option:
"How nice that Dima and Sveta finally got married! They love each other so much. Soon Sveta will grow a belly, and then a little son or daughter will appear from there. Isn’t it great?" Then the conversation will flow by itself, and you will unobtrusively push the child to a topic that will interest him sooner or later, as well as identify and correct his knowledge on this issue.
And if not to tell?
During our childhood and youth, the conversations of parents with children on such topics were somehow not accepted. Why? Because, sorry for the banal quoting, "we didn’t have sex". The family was, above all, a social unit. The great Soviet educator Makarenko enthusiastically advised: ". bringing up in a child honesty, sincerity, integrity, the habit of purity, the habit of telling the truth to another person, to his feelings and interests, love for his homeland. we thereby educate him sexually". Undoubtedly, sex education is not only talk about the intimate side of life, but if all this morality was introduced against the background of at least some sexual awareness!
And the age features of growing organisms demanded truth, and children sought it one way or another. What can a child get on their own?
Elena S., 39, tells:
"Mom brought me up alone. When I asked where the children come from, she replied that a woman buys a pill at the pharmacy, drinks it, and after a while she cuts her stomach and takes out a boy or a girl. At the same time she showed me her seam on the stomach. And I believed this long and hard! Then at school (it was in the 5th grade) at a break, we suddenly began to discuss this topic with the girls. And what was my surprise when one of them said that the children were crawling out (!) "from there". I did not believe it. In the summer I went to the summer camp. Here my enlightenment continued, gaining momentum. What I just did not hear! I was just killed! I could not imagine such a thing! But then one girl denied everything, saying that in order to get pregnant, it is enough for both men and women to put on shorts for the night more than their size, that’s all! So we decided that when we were adults, we would use this method. "
So, by trial and error, by looking at the atlas of anatomy, reading extremely rare books about sex and your own instinct, the youth with grief in half at all times understood the secrets of gender issues. Of course, of course, and our children. But, so that their head does not get littered with a hodgepodge of incorrect information received from the lips of friends and films, better help them. Because only you can explain to your child that the mystery of the birth of human life is wonderful. That all life is built on love. And that there are questions that are best discussed not in a friendly circle, but with you, your parents. Because you brought him into the world, which means you have Experience and can tell everything reliably.
Anna Ishina, a neuropsychologist
Alexandra Soboleva, teacher
Magazine "Motherhood"November 1999
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