Mother of many children tells that she understood raising three children.
Children need boundaries and authority. Hierarchy in the family is necessary. Mom should focus on herself, then her husband, and only then children. Mother of many children tells that she understood raising three children.
I have long wanted to write this post, but I postponed all the time, because it seemed to me that it was a long, dreary, but there was no time and nothing … In general, many months passed, this idea does not leave me, but in days all the same 24 hours.
Therefore, rejecting perfectionism, I write as it will be written in the time that I have in stock (and forgive me, please, typos, if there are any).
1. I understood that all children are different.
Even if they are children born of the same parents and brought up within the same family, all the same, all these children will be different. Education, of course, matters, but its power is greatly exaggerated. Each child has his own innate temperament, his inclinations, his own developmental features, his own nuances. And it is beautiful! Every child comes into our lives to teach us something. Equal children are either fiction or a sign that you are a repetition yearbook.
2. I have become much more tolerant and calmer
I think, having read the word “calmer”, D. sadly sigh and look at me reproachfully. Yes, sometimes I scream, food and rowdy. But in general, I stopped worrying so much for various reasons, as it was before. Now, the child has not been flooded by the pisyuns and is struggling with him for the second week in a row, that he likes to run naked or dress up in dresses, that he is sucking the nipple or is still in diapers, that he does not eat or eat more than me I do not worry about ARVI, snot and temperature (yes, yes, all children are sick and it will pass). Age crises do not upset, but rather amuse me. I feel, where it is possible to give a child freedom, and where he stands up to the last to stand on his own and hold the limits of what is permitted.
3. By the way, about borders
The framework of what is permitted must be. Previously, it seemed to me that this is wrong, you need to give the child freedom and just guide him, explaining. Alas, it does not work. There is a need for clear boundaries of what the child can and what the child cannot. The children themselves are very fond of the rules. For example, “we eat desserts only after a meal”, “first lessons – then cartoons”, “those who did not wash their hands before eating will stay hungry”, “exactly at 20-00 we go to brush our teeth” and
4. I do not bother on the topic of early child development
In a large family it is impossible to keep a child from this development. The younger ones are drawn to elders who seem to them, who are still so small, real demigods, who know everything and are able to do anything. The most important thing here, in my opinion, is to properly nurture the eldest child, to invest in it to the maximum, because it will be the very ideal that the younger ones strive to achieve. BUT! In order to properly nurture the first child, there is no need to lead him to developmental activities from year to year. Just do not put him in the arena, but let him be near you and explore the world under your strict supervision. The rest is a matter of technique.
5. I began to appreciate, strengthen and support the family hierarchy
Freedom and equality? No, it’s not about us. With the birth of the third child, D. and I came to the conclusion that hierarchy in the family is necessary, and its absence is disastrous. Mom and Dad – the main, children – the people. Dad is the most important, even his mother obeys him. Older sister – the main among all children. The older brother is more important than the younger brother, but this not only gives rights, but also imposes duties. There is only one problem so far: one who does not fit into the framework of the family hierarchy has no authority. Lyova, for example, refuses to obey her grandmother and grandfather, because “they don’t live with us” and “dad is the most important, and they aren’t the main ones”. But we are working with it)))
6. I realized that I was the basis, and if I was bad, then it would be bad for everyone.
And I began to learn to take care of myself. I used to live according to the principle “all the best is for children”, now the principle has been turned inside out. First of all, I try to give myself, and only then children. A happy otognuvshaya mother – a pledge of a calm and joyful atmosphere in the family, because a mother, rolled up, pulled out to dryness, will not make her children happy. They always look at her face and catch her gaze, trying to read in it what is hidden inside her mother. And if they see that mom is unhappy, first of all they blame themselves. So children are arranged.
7. My husband is the same foundation as me.
And that is why in the first place (after myself) is the husband, and then the children. Her husband – unconditional priority (read
8. My shopping has changed beyond recognition
With the first child, I spent some incredible sums on all sorts of childish things, outfits, lotions, and trinkets. I bought tons of things for Anya, but I didn’t buy anything for myself, because children’s things don’t require fitting and buy them quickly, but time is always on the edge, so I’d better buy it, and then sometime later …
Now everything is different. I realized that children 1) grow very quickly. 2) get dirty. 3) absolutely do not need so many clothes and in general, by and large, they do not care what to wear. In order to experience all this, it took me almost 8 years of motherhood and 3 children. Now I buy things, mostly for myself, and for children – by the residual principle (I have money, time and desire – I will buy a new T-shirt for my little girl, no – it’s like in the old one).
I mastered the basics of online shopping and began to buy clothes for children in online stores in the US, where it costs a lot of money and there are often sales and super sales. Even taking into account the shipment, the enterprise for the purchase of clothes for three children of different ages is very profitable in comparison with the purchase of clothes in Moscow. I always wait for the promotions from the series “today an additional 40% discount on everything, including the clearance section”, I choose the nicest from this section, because there are many shops, I don’t feel constrained in terms of choice (there is always a choice!) And in the end I get a whole box of children’s things for a penny.
Myself, I also buy things at sales. I do not remember when I bought something for the full price. I just feel sorry to give 150-200 dollars for the fact that in 1-2 months it will be 3-4 times cheaper. I know for sure that I can find the best money for the money saved. In my closet at least two dozen beautiful dresses in which I look great, but none of them are worth more than $ 60.
9. I have become at times less spend on decorative cosmetics
To my 35, I realized that the key to a good appearance is proper nutrition, physical activity, a good amount of night sleep and happy, radiant eyes. This is the base. All the rest are optional tools from the optional series.
10. I understood that it was impossible to do everything and accepted this
Just as resigned to the fact that it is better to do not perfect than not to do at all.
And yet, behold, I suddenly remembered how I asked who had already five children, what she had learned with the birth of the fifth child. She thought for a few seconds, after which she said that with the fifth child she had learned not to pay attention to the opinions of others around her. He says that somehow a feeling of calmness and confidence in her strength, her actions and her convictions came to her. And let them think what they want, these people around, don’t care. Everyone has the right to their own opinion and she’s own, different from the others, too.