Children’s tantrums can make life difficult for any, even very patient adults. Just yesterday, the baby was a “sweetheart”, and today it has been replaced as it is – he screams for any reason, screams, falls to the floor, beats his head against the walls and the palace and no exhortations do not help. Such unpleasant scenes are hardly ever a one-off protest. Often hysterics in a child are repeated systematically, sometimes several times a day.
This can not but alarm and perplex parents who ask themselves questions, what did they do wrong, is everything in order with the baby and how to stop these antics. Authoritative well-known children’s doctor Yevgeny Komarovsky tells moms and dads how to react to children’s tantrums.
About the problem
Children’s tantrums – the phenomenon is widespread. And even if the parents karapuz say that they have the most peaceful pipsqueak in the world, this does not mean that he never arranges scenes out of the blue. Not so long ago, it was somehow embarrassing to confess to hysterics of one’s own child, parents were embarrassed, all of a sudden people would think that they were ill-raising a toddler, and sometimes they were afraid that others would regard their beloved child as mentally “not so.” So we fought as best we could with family.
In recent years, they began to talk about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And the insight came: wiping children are much more than it might seem at first glance. According to statistics, which children’s psychologists have in one of the largest clinics in Moscow, 80% of children under 6 years of age get hysterics periodically, and 55% of such babies have hysteria in the nature of regular ones. On average, children can fall into such attacks from 1 time per week to 3-5 times a day.
Children’s tantrums have certain underlying symptoms. As a rule, the attack is preceded by some similar events and situations.
During a tantrum, a child may scream, shiver, choke, and tears will not be too much. There may be breathing problems, rapid heartbeat, many children try to hurt themselves by scratching their faces, biting their hands, hitting the walls or the floor. Attacks in children are quite long, after them they can not calm down for a long time, sobbing.
At certain age periods, hysterics acquire stronger manifestations; at such “critical” stages of growing up, emotional outliers change their color. They may suddenly appear, and may disappear just as suddenly. But the tantrums in no case can not be ignored, as it is impossible to allow the child to start to manipulate adult family members with the help of shouting and stamping.
Opinion of Dr. Komarovsky
First of all, Yevgeny Komarovsky considers, parents should remember that a child in a state of hysterics necessarily require the viewer. Kids never make scandals in front of the TV or a washing machine, they choose a living person, and from the family members it is the one who is most sensitive to his behavior who is the spectator.
If dad starts to worry and get nervous, then he will be chosen by the child for a spectacular tantrum. And if the mother ignores the behavior of the child, then in front of her throwing a tantrum is simply not interesting.
How to wean a child from hysterics will tell Dr. Komarovskaya in the next video.
This opinion is somewhat contrary to the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists, who argue that the child is in a state of hysterics is not at all controlled. Komarovsky is sure that the baby is perfectly aware of the situation and the alignment of forces, and everything that he does at this moment does quite arbitrarily.
Therefore, the main advice from Komarovsky is not to show in any way that the parents are touching the children’s “concert” at least in some way. No matter how strong tears, screams and foot stomping are.
If a child ever gets his way with the help of hysteria, he will use this method all the time. Komarovsky warns parents to coax the baby during a tantrum.
To yield is to become a victim of manipulation, which will be in one way or another, constantly improving, to continue for the rest of your life.
It is advisable to calm tactics of behavior and rejection hysterics adhered to all family members, so that mom’s “no” never turned into father’s “yes” or grandmother’s “maybe.” Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing adult nerves for strength.
If the grandmother begins to show softness, to pity the offended child by the parental refusal, then she risks becoming the only spectator of children’s tantrums. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical security with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or granddaughter gradually ceases to obey them and can get into an unpleasant situation in which they can be injured on a walk, burn yourself with boiling water in the kitchen, put something into a wall outlet, etc., because the baby will not react to the grandmother’s calls.