Parents are calm and balanced, and the child is a fighter. A very common situation.
Parents face the problem of pugnaciousness of their offspring from the time of kindergarten, or even a manger. But at school he already has more strength and he’s not shovels and shovels to help in the blows.
The child will outgrow this period or, on the contrary, it will aggravate the problem in the future, depending on the reaction of the mother to the father.
In order for the younger offspring not to get acquainted with the nursery of the police, the situation must be corrected as soon as possible. And let’s start with finding out the reasons.
Why is the child fighting?
The younger the child, the less he realizes the seriousness of the fight. He does not understand that he can hurt someone. First baby tries to hit someone to check the reaction, conducting an experiment. If everyone treats his blows equally condemning, then it is enough for him several times to understand the unacceptability of his behavior. But if the mother responds to the blow with a smile, the father only touches, and the children in the yard start to fight back, the child feels confused and does not understand which reaction is correct. Accordingly, he repeats his experiment again and again.
Growing up, the child goes to school, to the team. This is a much tougher environment than in the kindergarten group. Here every child tries to take a certain place. Children at this age are quite angry, and, noticing that your child is easily provoked into a fight, they will do it from different motives. For example, to complain to the teacher and mother, so that they would be pityed and “awarded” with a grade or candy.
It may be different: students may simply not accept their classmate in the team, and he, in order to attract their attention, begins to bully, call names. Most teachers do not go into the causes, they do not find out the details, therefore, they accuse the one who violates discipline. Even if he is not guilty at all.
So the child has serious psychological problems that will be projected onto various areas of his life. It is important that aggressive behavior does not become the norm for him. This must be followed by parents.
Mother Violetta forumchanka asks for advice: “My son started to fight everyone in school. He is 7 years old, first grader. And he fights with everyone in a row: just who pushed or hit by accident – immediately climbs into a fight. I speak to him, scold him, punish, persuade, even blackmail – no changes. Tell me how to be?
Mom Sofia thinks so: “Try bye yourself to attend the lessons. Maybe a school for him is a big stress. If the lessons are all right, watch him at recess, talk to the teacher. Maybe he raises his self-esteem so much, trying to create authority among classmates. After all, even in cartoons there is propaganda of brute force. As a rule, teachers are not opposed to parents helping their child to adapt to primary school. ”
How to help the child?
If a child often fights at school or in the yard, parents often learn about an unpleasant situation from teachers and neighbors. Fights rarely occur in front of dad and mom, so finding out who is right and who is to blame is rather difficult.
Brawl brawl – strife. It’s one thing if the child himself is the instigator (calling names, bullying classmates), and quite another when the scion protects his honor or his property (the hooligans decided to take the portfolio). Parents are very important to teach the child to defend their interests, but at the same time explain that the fight is the last way out, and it should be avoided. It is better to try to solve the problem in other ways.
Talk to the witnesses of the fight: with one of the students, with a teacher. Do this when the child is not around: let him later state his version of events. If the child can intelligently and clearly tell about the reason for the fight, then most likely he is right. But, if the answers are evasive, he will keep silent, shy away from the conversation, invent something on the go – in this case he himself feels wrong.
If the child does not fight often, it should not bother you too much. But if waving fists becomes a habit for him, parents need to act more decisively.
If a child sees in his peers only offenders and enemies, try with him find good qualities in classmates. Record the child in the sports section so that he can give output of his energy. In addition, the coach will tell you how to cope with uncontrolled aggression.
When a child is fighting in front of his parents, a lot depends on your reaction. If you do not understand who is to blame, rush to protect your child, so you will give your child additional confidence that he is special, better than others, and can do as he pleases. If you too carelessly start to shame the child, it will help only for a short time. The next time, before starting to fight, he will wait until mom and dad leave. Be calm, find out who the instigator of the fight and why it happened. Then, without losing composure, talk to your child at home. You do not need to reprimand him with peers – so you only exacerbate the problem.
Pick up a useful children’s literature, in which fights are shown from the bad side, but only reveals the real heroism of a person. Teach your child to get out of uncomfortable situations without fists.
Julia Marchenko, child psychologist: “A lot depends on the parents’ reaction to the fight. It is useless to shout at him, and, moreover, to beat him. If you have witnessed a fight, first help your child cope with his anger: explain that such a feeling is a normal defensive reaction, he has the right to be angry. It is necessary to give this aggression a way out, but not in a fight. Do not hang on him a sense of guilt for that feeling. Then figure out who is right in the fight, and who is guilty, who broke the rules. And then all together come up with several other ways to resolve the conflict. “
Try to communicate more with the child, find out what scares him so much in school life. Maybe someone constantly offends him, so he fights and tries to join the team. If a scion cannot find friends, help him, teach him how to get close to people.
In any case – no need to react sharply to the actions of the child. You need to act gently, in parenting, as you can. In the end, the maternal instinct and counseling psychologist has not been canceled!
Patience you and good luck!
See also: Psychologist Video Tips on School, Children’s Fears and Aggression