The main role in the development and upbringing of the baby, of course, belongs to the mother. You are comfort, emotion, care, safety. But, according to the unanimous opinion of all scholars and practitioners of the early development of children, papa is not at all superfluous here. He has his own special role for the crumbs – he is a guide to the surrounding, outer world.
Parenting, Dad and Baby
Who is the dad for crumbs? Papa is the governing body of your state. But besides that, he acts as a conductor to the outside world and measures “good-bad”. Not so little.
And the first important step of the father is the separation of the child from the mother. After a year, the dad should help the crumbs as painlessly as possible to become oneself, an individual human. Psychologists recommend that the Pope take the initiative and organize the “relocation” of the child in his bed and introduce him to the kindergarten. Dad is safety and he must accompany the crumb in all endeavors and beyond, then the baby will easily enter new groups and comprehend new horizons.
In addition, the pope in the minds of the crumbs – the highest authority. Therefore, dad needs to be very careful in praising and reprimanding a child. Scold only the baby’s actions: “you did a bad thing,” instead of “you are bad.” But praise is also for actions, not “you are good”, but “you did well”. In order for the crumbs to have normal self-esteem, there should not be more censure than praise. If papa often scolds a child and praises little, a crumb thinks that papa considers him bad and he is really bad: he speaks poorly, does, reads, thinks. Therefore, it is better to “ignore and overpraise” so that confidence in oneself and one’s own strength is born in the child.
How much time to spend with baby? Even if the father works 20 hours a day, the child should know that he will always be there if necessary. And even the smallest pipsqueak feels fine – dad has time for him or not. How to ensure that the crumb felt the presence of the pope emotionally and physically? Only time … Weekend is clearly not enough for the child to be sure that dad cares about his well-being. A simple way is to be involved in the life of a child. From one year old to play and take care every evening, from two to drive to kindergarten, from three to call every day from work and talk to the kid. It is not much and not at all for long.
And another important fact. Both boys and girls, sexual identity is formed through dad. The boy will take a behavior model from his father. And after this phrase do you think that the son needs a father to “raise a peasant”? Scientists have proved that the son’s masculinity does not depend on the masculinity of the father, because with respect to the father and the child, the main thing is true warmth and intimacy, and not a personal example of brute masculine power. Therefore, the boy will take exactly the model of behavior: warmth, intimacy, care, and not leadership qualities and business acumen. For this, development is needed. A girl communication with her father will help to identify as a woman. And the real qualities of the Pope by the generally accepted standards of the “real man” do not have weight in the family
Development, Dad and Baby
Do you have a husband involved in the development of the child? Plays in development? Or doing exercises while walking? Or poems teaches? Most likely not, because you are at home all day and you are sufficiently engaged in development with a crumb. And my father seems to come home from work, he is tired, and it would not be bad for a child to “just be”. So I also did not participate before. And there seems to be nothing wrong with that. But the child develops all the time while he is awake, the child needs male attention, since this is the flip side of the coin, the child is saturated with experience during games. If they are not developing, what experience does he feed on? Development is an experience. And it is important that the impressions were closely connected with the pope.
The father is a guide for the child in the world, a window into a large social space. Therefore, dad needs to learn a few simple things:
1. Dad has one very unusual and important feature – he is a big child. He, not you, usually uses the whole world around as a large game development space. Therefore, his daily interaction with the crumbs is the best that he can give to the child. Dad should not brush off the questions of why. Who else will teach a kid to look at the world widely, use objects for other purposes and look for something new and unusual in them? Therefore, the dad must carefully answer questions with examples and pictures.
2. It is proved that dad can quickly teach a crumb to speak, so much so that you never have to go to speech therapists! The reason for such a papa’s success in development, however, is completely banal and is in no way connected with his “supernormal abilities.” Unlike moms, grandmothers, nannies and other emotional creatures, he doesn’t distort words from excessive tenderness and doesn’t “lisp”, trying to adjust under the crumb. Of course, you are engaged in the formation of speech all the time while the peanut is awake. But a bedtime story, a puppet theater, dad’s stories about animals at the zoo or fruit in the store will give very significant results.
3. Men are usually more rational, “logical” and more often have a technical mindset. Therefore, the husband is your excellent help in the development of thinking! Who else can build causal relationships in the head of the crumbs in a dozen ways that you don’t think about. He can transfer care for designers, puzzles, puzzles, launching ships, kites. And also about hammering nails, sorting out receivers and other interesting things. But moreover, it broadens the horizons of the crumbs and he has a wide range of interests.
4. Dad is not afraid of stress and problems, he knows that everything is temporary. Therefore, he must support the crumb in all his endeavors, encourage and show how to and how not to do. And if it did not work out, it does not matter, tomorrow will be a new day.
5. Dad is more athletic and agile. And even if you are the CCM, pay attention, the game of the father with the child is much more mobile. He is not afraid to throw a crumb, twirl, roll on his shoulders. With him you can tumble, walk on the handles, climb a high hill. You probably all this seems dangerous. But this is physical development and the more dad will play “dangerous games”, the less likely the unpleasant physical abnormalities that are now too often in children.
House, Dad and Baby
I often receive letters asking “what to do, the husband does not help me at all!”. And today I received such a thing from Tatiana: “I’m spinning around the house, but he came home from work and only got in the way, and then sat on the sofa and everything … there’s no strength for it”. Tanya, of course, does not help, because you don’t allow him to do this to him. Dad needs a baby, and a kid needs a dad. And you can not forget about it And besides, you need time for yourself. So why take all the care yourself, is not it better to share with her husband?
And here are three reasons why you can, with a clear conscience, give today even the smallest child to her husband when he returns from work. And she herself go to the bath, make a manicure, read a book or go into business:
1. He rested all day. Yes, yes, I rested! And what else is called “sitting” at work at a time when at home a baby, whose teeth are being cut, is still crying? If you tell your husband how your day and night have passed, he himself will begin to suffer with conscience for idleness. Of course, he works at the same job and earns money. But you work as a mom and hostess, and this is not office life or even building. You are now the owner of the home, so the cleaner, cook, laundress, nurse and teacher 24 hours a day. And for you to be a woman, a beauty and even a successful business woman, you need 2-3 hours a day for yourself. Often we take on too much. We do everything ourselves, but what about the husband? Therefore, with a clear conscience, hand over the crumb to the pope and go about your business. He wants to live with an interesting and beautiful woman, and not tortured exhausted cleaner?
2. Your husband is jealous. Yes, precisely as the eldest child in the family. Previously, all the attention was given to him, and now? After giving birth, you began to pay all the attention to the crumbs. Movies do not watch, wake up the child. In the evening, do not go out for a walk together, do not leave the baby. Buying a new gadget will have to be postponed, you need a new auto-cross. I don’t keep silence about married life … And now he’s not part of the family, he is no longer “loved”, now he loves the child, but he is the breadwinner, the food supply service, clothing and other important things. Therefore, the involvement of the husband in everyday life, in the care of the baby is a recognition! Recognition that you need him, that you love him, that without him, as without hands. Do not make your husband feel superfluous, on the contrary – let him feel important, necessary, useful. And he will be grateful to you.
3. Men are more afraid than we. Fear of the unknown is normal for any person, and when a new man appears in the house, both women and men simply do not know how to behave. How to take, how to change a diaper, how to bathe, how to calm and aah, mommies, what to do with it! Only we quickly gain experience, because we spend with a crumb a whole day. And who besides you will take care of the baby … Practice and maternal instinct do their work, and now in the first month you are holding, rocking, bathing, wiping and many other useful things. Often you tell your husband “Don’t bother me, I will do it myself faster”? Of course, faster if he does not gain experience. And he will not get it, if you do not ask about it. After all, the first time scary … Therefore, ask for help, attract to all household chores and in a couple of weeks you can watch your favorite movie or read a book while you swim.
Rest, develop, rejoice in life, and let dad sit with a crumb, everything will win