Family relationships are a system of mutual demands and expectations, which are oriented in all directions – from older to younger members of the family, and from younger to older ones.
There are different approaches to the classification of parent-child relationship styles. For example, A. Baldwin distinguishes two styles:
one) democratic, which is characterized by a high degree of verbal communication of parents with children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the constant readiness of parents to come to the rescue, the desire for objectivity in raising children;
2) controlling, assuming significant restrictions in the child’s behavior with an understanding of the meaning of these restrictions, clarity and consistency of the parents’ requirements and recognition of the child as fair and reasonable.
We give a typical classification of family relationship styles — authoritarian, democratic, and liberal-permissive.
Authoritarian style characterized by the authority of parents. At the same time, there is a conviction that such upbringing can develop a habit of unquestioning obedience in a child. However, in families of this type there is no spiritual unity, friendship. Adults are little reckoned with the child’s personality, age, interests and desires. Although children grow up to be obedient, disciplined, these qualities develop in them without an emotionally positive and conscious attitude to the requirements of an adult. More often, this blind obedience is based on the fear of being punished. As a result, children develop little independence, initiative, creativity. It is in such families that adolescents most often come into conflict with their parents, moving away from the family.
With a democratic style mutual relations are characterized by mutual love and respect, attention and care of adults and children about each other. In families with democratic-style relationships, children are full participants in family life, work and rest. Parents try to get to know their children more deeply, find out the reasons for their bad and good deeds. Adults constantly appeal to the child’s feelings and consciousness, encourage his initiative, respect his opinion. At the same time, children know well enough the meanings of the words “no,” “need,”. The democratic style of family upbringing gives the greatest effect in the formation of children’s conscious discipline and interest in the affairs of the family, in the events of the life around them. Gradually, children form an initiative, resourcefulness, a creative approach to the assigned task. Punishments in such families usually do not apply – enough censure or grief of parents.
However, it sometimes happens that the family has a democratic style of upbringing, but it does not have the desired effect, because parents violate the most important pedagogical principles, for example, they fail to determine the degree of demandingness of children, organize the correct daily routine, or create conditions for a feasible labor contribution of children to family life; they are inconsistent in the requirements or they do not have a unified approach to any family matters. In that case they talk about liberal permissive style.
A number of authors identify types of education, which are essentially similar to styles.
Authoritarian type of education, in which dictates in relation to the child is clearly manifested, the demand of unquestioning obedience, the rejection of his individuality. Such an attitude towards a child is based on the inviolability of the parents’ own authority, sometimes false. Such parents often use punishment, tight control. Options for resolving disagreements by the parent are not accepted and are not discussed. In this case, the child is characterized by low self-esteem, reduced activity, lack of initiative, a tendency to quarrels, difficulties in communicating with peers. This position of family members leads to constant conflicts.
Guardian type of education. Parents in this case are overly caring. Hyper-drug is manifested in two versions: indulgent and dominant.
With an indulgent hyperhair, the child is at the center of a family that seeks to maximize its needs. The kid causes universal admiration, and it does not matter how he behaves. The appealing tone prevails in the parents’ appeals to the child. Almost every whim is immediately executed. And if mom, dad don’t do it, they cause disapproval of other family members. With such upbringing, the baby gets used to being the center of attention. He develops a painful touchiness, suspicion, stubbornness and even aggressiveness. This makes him unsociable among peers, and therefore rejected and lonely.
With the dominant type of hyper-care, because of the desire to protect a child from difficulties, parents place numerous prohibitions and restrictions on him, abusing control. The consequences of this upbringing are the formation of such personal qualities in a baby as dependence on others, lack of self-defense, and excessive compliance. He meticulously performs everything that an adult offers, regardless of expediency. According to psychologists, this type of guardianship is more characteristic of the mother than of the father.
Neglecting type of education. With such upbringing, the kid is left to himself. Parents are not interested in them, do not control him, and even avoid contact. In this case, the child is observed in the behavior of the underdevelopment of the emotional-volitional sphere, isolation, aggressiveness. He is inactive, often pretending that he cannot fulfill an assignment, although it is within his power (the phenomenon of learned helplessness), an unstable type of behavior is possible (a child can be impulsive, stubborn, etc.).
Favorable type of education based on trust, respect for each other, cooperation. Parents approve of the baby, his interests. They are trying to help him in solving problems, while resolution options are being discussed with the child. The control is helpful. Constraints in behavior are also negotiated, and the kid accepts them as fair. With such upbringing, the child is active, initiative, independent. He is benevolent, which helps him to easily make contact with peers, adults.
It should be noted that the inflexible dominant type of upbringing forms and imposes a certain type of behavior on the child (in psychology this is called a psychological role).