In psychology, as well as in life, there is very little that can be said at least without a small particle of uncertainty. There are only one assumptions, hypotheses and conjectures around. In psychology, there are many theories of personality, even more theories of depression and neurosis, and a psychotherapy technician … However, all psychological theories are in solidarity with each other in at least one important fundamental principle.
Both Christian morality and upbringing, and even more so social norms from diapers, teach us that it is necessary to take care of the people around us, help the weak, take care of our relatives, resist dictatorship and tyranny. We are constantly told that the highest achievement of a person is a feat that he accomplished for the benefit of the whole world. Our children’s books contain fairy tales about those heroes who were not afraid to give up their lives in order to save other people. We are told that we should experience an attack of guilt for any manifestation of egoism. It does not matter whether he is neurotic or healthy. But how often do we think: the egoist is who? When can a person be considered an egoist?
Egoists … Who is this?
The word “egoism” comes from the Latin word ego, that is, “I”. Most often, this concept is interpreted as “self-love” or, in other words, behavior that is completely determined by the thought of one’s own advantage and advantage, the preference of one’s own interests and desires to others.
Selfishness is divided into rational and irrational. In the first case, a person assesses the possible consequences of his actions and acts, assessing the expediency. And in the second case, the actions of the egoist are short-sighted and impulsive, that is, a person is guided solely by his desires, goals, and interests.
Are there any kinds of selfishness?
Psychologists say that there are two types of egoism: active and passive.
An active egoist is often well-versed in the world around him, he knows very well how to properly make people pleasant and to say the necessary compliments. However, talking with him, one can understand within ten minutes that all this was done by the person in order to achieve his own selfish goals. For this, he is ready to make any sacrifices, for example, to show hypocrisy, give a bribe and even sacrifice his own reputation.
But a passive egoist has a completely different line of conduct. They, as a rule, simply do nothing for others. It is easier for them to achieve their goals, going “over their heads,” and at the same time act brazenly and rudely. Often, people around them quickly understand their true nature, and therefore begin to avoid them. Therefore, passive egoists in most cases simply become lonely, without friends and relatives, on whom one could rely.
Reasonable or healthy egoism – is it possible?
Of course. Reasonable egoism is nothing more than the call of our soul. The main problem is that an adult, who is exclusively “normal,” can no longer hear the voice of that very natural egoism. The fact that under the mask of egoism comes to his consciousness is merely a pathological narcissism, which was the result of a long repressed impulses of rational egoism.
Selfishness and selfishness: what is the difference?
Self-love is more a feeling or a feeling than a system of behavior. It is undoubtedly one of the constituent parts of egoism, and it is precisely self-love that is completely based on how we perceive our own Self, the benefits we bring to society, and also the preference of our interests to the desires of those around us.
It can be said that selfish people are painfully proud because they are holders of extreme degrees of self-esteem and are very critical of individuals who are trying to challenge their superiority.
How can I understand if I’m selfish or not?
Such a character trait, like egoism, is often invisible because people rarely listen attentively to what they say to others. Why? Because they are busy listening only to themselves. Why? Because it is nice, which means good.
However, if an egoist would be a little more open to the world around him and more attentive to his soul, he would surely turn his attention to the amount of inconvenience it causes to close people or work colleagues.
Egoists are people who very rarely notice that they bring around people a lot of problems. And how can they understand this if they are selfish? The answer is simple: you just need to listen and look closely. Perhaps the egoist has long been told that he does not have the habit of making the bed behind him, maybe he has been asked for something for a month already, and he just waves it off and refers to the fact that he is very busy and he doesn’t Enough time for all sorts of nonsense.
Therefore, if a large number of people dissatisfied with your behavior have accumulated around you – this is an occasion to think. Excessive touchiness can also be a signal that egoism has taken root in you.
Diagnosis: selfish. Is it good or bad?
In the first place, egoism is a product of the natural instinct of self-preservation.
If viewed from the point of view of ethics, this is good, because then the necessity of selfishness is determined by the value of human life. This quality is necessary in order to realize their values and realize them, to fulfill their moral duty, which is to bring the already existing skills and knowledge to perfection.
But looking from an ethical point of view, egoists are those who give someone else’s life less value than their own. In this case, only the insane and the dead are unselfish.
Thus, in some situations, you can not feel guilty for the fact that you strive to achieve your goal. Of course, if this does not turn into a habit, because in all you need to know when to stop. Be a self-sufficient person, and do not let your self-esteem suffer from what others think of you.
I have to communicate with an egoist …
Naturally, it is often extremely difficult to communicate with such people, because they are exclusively absorbed in themselves and hear, respectively, only themselves. The egoists need listeners, not interlocutors. In addition, it is desirable that the listener be enthusiastic and fully supporting the egoist in his plans and aspirations.
You have two ways of building relationships with this person. The first is to immediately begin to criticize his views, remind him of past miscalculations and shortcomings. In this case, you have a chance to get rid of the egoist for a long time, if not forever.
However, if you do not want to spoil the relationship, then you should choose a second line of conduct, namely, to begin to praise a colleague, flatter and say compliments. Having convinced the interlocutor that he is “the one and only”, interrupt the conversation under the pretext of urgent matters. Then the selfish person will remember you as a reasonable and pleasant companion.
I am in love with an egoist. What should I do?
If you can, run away from him as soon as possible. Why? Because otherwise, your woman or egoist man only hurts. You will have to completely dissolve in your partner and at the same time lose yourself as an individual and as an individual. An egoist is a person who does not tolerate alongside with someone who has his own opinion, attitudes, ideals, principles and interests, or who is critical of himself or herself.
However, if you firmly believe that your chosen one is truly exceptional, you simply will not notice that your life has ceased to belong to you and revolves only around the interests of your partner and his desires.
Egoists are people who are not capable of true self-sacrifice and love. They all consider themselves to be extremely clever and, most importantly, capable individuals. Consequently, they are always right, and everyone around them are fools who know nothing and are worth nothing, and yet they are always guilty and always owe something to the egoist.
Selfish natures are simply not able to create strong close relationships that would be based on the love and trust of both parties. And without such a relationship, true friendship and love cannot be achieved. Therefore, egoists are deprived of the opportunity to enjoy family happiness and cannot understand this themselves.
Is it possible to rehabilitate the egoist?
Perhaps, but only in rare cases. If an egoist is a person experiencing a strong shock or, perhaps, even grief, then there is a hope that he will understand: there are also people around him who have their own desires, feelings, concerns, problems, dreams. But to remake an adult is almost impossible, unless he wants to change himself and asks for your help, while applying his efforts and strength. Therefore, if your partner really loves you, is afraid of losing you and is ready to change for you, then there will definitely be relapses. You just have to be patient.