When you are alone

There are not many moments in a person’s life when he lives long and steadily alone. First you live with your parents, then in a hostel or with a girl, then with your wife and children. In the intervals between these phenomena, you still share housing with friends or just acquaintances. But sometimes this rule is violated, and you live one and only one. And this is a completely different dimension, a new, magical world in which you need to learn to live anew. We have collected 15 things that you learn from your experience, when you live a long time in one of them.

You will spend a lot of time in bed

Seriously, a lot. Your day, or even two, can pass in bed with a laptop, a strange meal, such as yesterday’s lap, and a new TV show from Netflix. And since you are still alone, there will be nobody to condemn for such primitive behavior. Probably, after a couple of days of such existence, self-hatred and thirst for adventure will win and you will get out of the blanket-pillow captivity.

Walking naked around the apartment is great, you get addicted to it very quickly.

And this is exactly the thing that you did not allow yourself to live with family or friends. Get up naked in the morning and immediately go hanging on the bar – priceless. But you have to pay for everything: you have to draw the curtains and experience frustration when you have to sleep in shorts at a party. Yes, and with daily hygiene have a little effort.

By the way, lying naked on the floor, putting your foot on the wall and listening to podcasts – this is normal, you will get addicted to this very quickly too.

“The rule of two militias”

If your neighbors promised to “call the police” twice, then for the third time they will surely call you – don’t go to the fortuneteller. Do not bring people to loud music, and they will not call the authorities and declare that you look like a guy in search. Moreover, the “two m rule” works in the long term: even if they promised to call the police a month ago, the third time is always the third.

The first time you’ll watch what you eat

Since you are now an adult, independent and independent, in the beginning you will play a responsible tenant and follow the regime. Buying vegetables, learning how to cook properly, maybe even go in for sports. Soon it will pass and for some time you will fall into the pit of madness: you will eat what you like, get up after dinner, arrange races in the IMO until 6 in the morning. This is the beauty of freedom: you want – eat halvah, and you want – gingerbread.

… and even wash the dishes

Another pleasant treat, for the first two months, is to build oneself cleanly. It will be good if you are still accustomed to care for housing, but the probability is extremely small. However, it is more likely that you will be steadily cleaned up in the kitchen, more likely to wash clothes, but then a period will come and you will finally forget about all this. Just because you live alone and can afford it.

Cleaning is nice

The main reason is that no one bothers you, and you do not bother anyone. Suddenly, you realize that the hatred of cleaning in you was not brought up by the process itself, but by forcing it. After a couple of months, you discover that it’s quite normal to take and wash dirty T-shirts at 2 at night – why not? Cleanliness will be the thing that you do on a whim and mood. Instead of the “doing a big cleaning every two weeks” mode, you will most likely enter the “clean up for 10 minutes every day” mode. And at home it will become cleaner and fresher.

In the battle of insects, no one will help you

Previously, you lived with your mother or friends who could help in the battle with wandering horror – a spider or even a wood louse. That’s it. Only you and insect-like creature, like a xenomorph waiting for you around the corner of the bathroom. Maybe it is sitting on the wall right now while you are reading these lines. And at hand is not even a broom. So, get a cat!

You have every right not to open the door to anyone.

Your friends will quickly learn the rule: “all of their ring in advance and by phone, and only some left-wing people use the doorbell.” And, yes, in general, turn off the call and intercom – a great idea. So you will have every right not to open the company of drunken friends or gypsies (you will never determine the sound from the outside).

More often invite parents to visit

Seriously. It sounds silly, but in fact this tactic is very useful. No matter how great your relationship with them is, parents are parents. Your mother will think that you are kicking an anasha with homeless people and sleeping with women who have not recovered from syphilis. Coming to you once a month and seeing that everything is calm and orderly, they calm down. Moreover, it is rather curious to feel them in the role of guests, and myself in the role of master.

You can not throw garbage on the balcony, even if there is minus 15

No, really. In the first month of winter, it seems very convenient. You think, “I will collect 10 kg of garbage and immediately throw it all away!”. But it does not work that way. Garbage on the balcony, even having stood all day, is a hotbed of plague, gangrene and sin. The first step on the road to all the shameful vices.

When you are alone

Doors inside the apartment – complete nonsense, why are they at all?

Living in an apartment where there is no one besides you, you suddenly find yourself thinking that the door to you is, in general, useless. You never even close them! And if not laziness, then one day you just want to just take them off the hinges and feel freer. Of course, this does not apply to the door to the toilet – it is better for her to stay in place.

When you are alone

You start talking to yourself

And not at all from loneliness. Just bottom teammates again merge the rink and you just can not help but share the rage with yourself. Or discuss with your best friend – yourself – what kind of freaks these work colleagues do. Or maybe just talk to the TV during the final episode of your favorite series. There is nothing wrong with that. A more interesting interlocutor is still not found.

You quickly get used to humming something out loud in a nasty voice

Remember how it was for most of your life: singing, washing in the shower, and coming out you come across a wall of incomprehension. Parents are trying to gradually start talking about drugs and their place in your life. People with whom you rent a house think that you are the same killer singer from urban legends who will gut their victims for karaoke.

But when you’re alone, singing turns into a fast and free source of fun. Moreover, it is about disgusting singing and different voices, like a holy fool.

My dick, pink and big! Your dick stinks like shit!

– you sing in the voice of Chernomyrdin, and no one can stop you. No one.

You will have a bad trait – very loud stuff

In continuation of the topic of singing and talking with himself. Very quickly the manner will appear loudly and rudely, even if you used to be embarrassed to say the word “ass” out loud. In contrast to the songs and conversations, this habit passes into life outside the home and begins to annoy you and others.

In the early stages, you try not to yell at the laptop that rebooted and ruined all your work for the day. At one of the last phases, you will no longer understand that you are walking in the middle of the street and you swear at this, his mother, snow. Obviously, Turret syndrome is the last stage of this process.

As long as possible do not tell your woman that you live alone

You are not in order to enjoy solitude 24/7, to lose it for the sake of sex, which lasts 7 minutes (well, or how many do you have there?). Say that you have repairs after a fire – the first 2 years it works fine.

Summing up, we can say that after some time you will become totally incapable of living in symbiosis with other people, and they will be extremely uncomfortable living with you. But it is a payment for your barbarous freedom and independence.

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