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- Who is the daffodil?
In the ordinary mind, a narcissus is a person who is in love with himself. A kind of egocentric who sees no one and nothing and only is busy praising himself. People imagine that a daffodil is a person who views himself in a mirror, considers himself to be irresistible and great in all respects.
How do psychologists look at daffodils?
For a start it is worth noting that narcissism is normal – it is not a disease. This is the structure of personality. That is, it’s just a way to build the psyche. It is determined by the main, central conflict within a person. This conflict is basic. It is he who is the starting point for the formation of all the other traits and behaviors.
Another important point. They talk about the narcissistic component. By this is meant that this component, generally speaking, is present in all of us. It is simply expressed in varying degrees and plays a greater or lesser role in the general structure of character.
I mentioned the internal conflict that is central to the narcissus. What is this conflict?
Echo and Narcissus – John William Waterhouse
In short, the problem is self-identification. The key question, the question of the whole life of the narcissus – "What i am"
Imagine the situation. You woke up sometime in the morning and do everything as usual. But suddenly all the people around you tell you that you have changed a lot in appearance. You have a different face and body. What will be your first urge and the strongest desire?
Find a mirror! See what’s wrong with me? Discover "What am i". Rejoice, be upset or accept – it is the tenth. First you need to learn, see, study, make a presentation.
Now imagine that there is no way to do it. Mirrors do not reflect you, photo-video cameras are not removed, and you yourself do not see your body.
This is roughly the condition that daffodil feels all his life. Eternal search for an answer to a question "What i am" and the inability to get a reliable answer.
Of course, the daffodil has some knowledge about yourself, ideas. He collects feedback from the world and sees the results of his activities. He can rely on something. But still – a common picture. "I am such and such" – not going.
This is the center. This is the key to understanding the daffodils of all kinds and colors. Everything else is already "implementation details".
Another feature of the narcissus – the eternal doubt in the estimates and characteristics. Even getting an answer to the question "What i am", the daffodil always doubts and so does not allow itself to appropriate the answer. Even if it is purely "positive". Inability to end this feedback is the characteristic feature of daffodils.
Narcissus self-esteem is highly dependent on the opinions of others and is either chronically lowered or extremely unstable. People with different personality types can use others to maintain self-esteem from time to time. Narcissus, being unsatisfied in this regard, is always interested in this. At the same time, again, due to unsaturation, he will strive to take more from a person. He can stop himself, perhaps, by fear "push too hard and get convicted".
Ways of making narcissistic
How will a person who cannot see himself in the mirror behave? He can walk around and ask everyone what they see and how. But for obvious reasons, he will not be able to be completely sure of these judgments and evaluations. He will know that 2,000 people have told him about the birthmark on his cheek. But she will not be sure that she is there anyway – he did not see, did not feel. Or maybe this is not a mole at all. Or maybe it’s all people with eyes something. Let’s call this daffodil insecure.
Perhaps a person will generally try to refuse any feedback and devalue the importance of self-recognition. "Not so important to me what’s really there. The main thing is that I will show people". And we get those most famous grand daffodils, about which everyone says that they devalue others and have swollen Ego.
It is clear that the daffodil will be inclined to a strong dependence on the assessment of others. He will need her, lust for her. But at the same time, it will be wildly afraid of her. Since he has no means to refute it. An unsure daffodil will directly act out his dependence on the assessment, asking for it. Grand, will try to deny this its dependence, devaluing the whole environment and any opinion from the side.
Often when talking about daffodils, the myth of Narcissus, which looks at the expanse of the stream and admires its reflection, is cited. Narcissus is really eagerly trying to see himself with the help of other people, using them as a mirror. But when trying to appropriate this reflection to himself, the narcissus is rippling in the water.
Since the narcissus is very dependent on the assessment, he is interested in seeing this assessment most fully and objectively reflect the real state of affairs. He wants to know what he really is.
Therefore, when coming for an assessment, the narcissus begins to show itself to the maximum. He demonstrates himself a lot, extensively, loudly, clearly, clearly. Since the fear of evaluation is very strong, then unconsciously, the narcissus will be inclined to hide all the same parts of himself that he is inclined to assess as negative, unsightly. And stick out those who consider their strengths. Thus, on the one hand, he reduces anxiety before evaluating the other, on the other – he steps on the throat of his song, provoking a less objective assessment of himself.
If at the same time he has the conviction that "bragging is a shame"then this will create additional discomfort. "I want to brag, to show myself a lot, but I am ashamed of this desire and do not allow myself to do that." These daffodils will be especially unhappy, as they will receive even less desirable ratings. Their principle "If you do everything perfectly, others will notice and praise themselves. If this is not the case – I’m just doing poorly."
Shame is a social feeling. No one is ashamed of being alone. Shame arises in a person when someone disapproves of its manifestations and a person accepts this attitude (at least partially).
Once the narcissus is strongly oriented outward, is highly dependent on ratings and cannot just beat them off, the feeling of shame is a frequent guest. Another component of the narcissus drama is that it itself is vividly presented and provides a lot of things for external evaluation. It is clear that everyone can not like everything. And the more the daffodil makes, the more likely to get a negative assessment. Although initially the presentation is intended to get positive or objective.
To avoid shame, the daffodil can drown him by inflating himself. May try "prove by deed". He can compensate for a negative assessment with support from other people (interrupt a negative opinion with a positive one) or devalue it.
Narcissus is forever in a state of fear of being ashamed. Fear is often accompanied by projections.
Idealization – depreciation
These are characteristic defense mechanisms that are often used by daffodils. It is clear that the narcissus will strive to idealize the person who gives him what he needs and devalue the other. Another type of narcissus will idealize your false image of self and devalue everything else, including its real manifestations. For example, he can devalue his real fears, depriving them of their meaning, annoyed that they exist at all.
Idealization and depreciation relate to everything that fills the life of a narcissus. With the borderline arrangement of the individual, the whole world of the narcissus is likely to be divided into ideal and insignificant.
At the same time, as we understand, the ideal does not exist. So the eternal companion of daffodil will be disappointed. It will come every time the illusion of an ideal object collapses. Most often, in order to avoid this disappointment and associated experiences, the daffodil will devalue what it had previously idealized, as well as the entire experience of interacting with this object.
Compensation and benefits of a narcissistic nature
Character is a stable configuration of behaviors that helps a person adaptively exist in the conditions in which he finds himself. This is the usual way a person interacts with the world.
If the narcissistic component dominates the character of a person, his character is built in accordance with it. And it will be built in such a way as to allow the narcissus to exist more or less effectively.
Daffodils are highly dependent on the opinions of others. Therefore, they can be very attentive listeners. They can well see the other and subtly react to its manifestations. Especially if you learn to get rid of their projections.
This same addiction makes daffodils to be envious. And envy, with a constructive approach, is the strongest motivation for your own achievements. Often, productive daffodils reach great heights. It is significant that heights are usually determined socially. That is, if the rejection of wealth is considered valuable in society, then the daffodil will be the legendary poor. Since the daffodil is aimed at the approval of society, and he tends to take values from it.
Daffodils can be quite open, as they are prone to psychological exhibitionism.
Narcissus can develop the ability to rapidly converge with others. At the heart of this ability is the desire for security. The consideration is as follows: "If you and I are very close and understand each other well, if we let each other close and become vulnerable to each other, then the likelihood that one of us hurts the other decreases." Since the daffodil is not initially set up to hurt another, but on the contrary is determined to get its approval, intimacy becomes an opportunity to somehow protect the narcissus itself. If this dynamic is present, it allows the daffodil to very quickly come into trusting contact with different people, understand them well and establish long-term close relationships.
So as the main question "What am i"The narcissus can often have good reflection and introspection.
In this article, I briefly attempted to describe the narcissistic dynamics of a predominantly healthy narcissus. More precisely, neurotic. It is worth considering that there are no completely healthy people in a psychological sense. And the degree of neuroticism may vary.
Neurotic disorders can also occur in people with a borderline or psychotic personality structure. In these cases, it acquires individual characteristics and is transferred, respectively, worse, delivering more suffering both to the narcissus itself and to people in contact with it. At the same time, the overall dynamics and drama is preserved.
This article aims to provide a deeper understanding of the narcissistic personality structure and make it more voluminous, different from simple "Narcissistic type".
As I said above, they speak not only about the narcissistic personality structure, but also about the narcissistic component. The fact is that this component is somehow represented in each of us. In each there is a small daffodil that can show more or less light.
When you brush your hair or choose the outfit that suits you the most. When you strive for the best result. Or, for example, feel ashamed when your clothes are soiled. When you want your work and you are noticed and appreciated and complain when this does not happen.
This is all – your little daffodil.
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