It will happen
The most funny stories that have been heard in the corridors of various hospitals and clinics.
You can get into a strange and funny story anywhere, and various medical facilities are far from an exception to this rule. Sometimes the reason for the comic situation is the sense of humor of the doctor or patient, sometimes an unexpected set of circumstances. But, one way or another, both visitors and polyclinics sometimes manage to laugh heartily. We bring to your attention 15 hilarious stories told by doctors and their patients. Maybe you will remember something like that.
A friend works as a sister-anesthetic next with her words.
When people are brought into the general ward after operations and anesthesia, they are monitored by staff at the time of “retreat” after anesthesia. Usually a doctor comes in and asks general questions: how do you feel, what day is today
Brought to the ward of a young guy. The guy wakes up. A doctor and a friend of mine (who is an anesthetist’s sister) approach him. The doctor asks him on duty questions and the guy seems to adequately answer them. But then suddenly he gives out the phrase: “Doctor, I wanted to tell you …. you have a pigeon walking around the ward” The sister and the doctor pointedly looked at each other, nodded their heads. Without unnecessary words and gestures (the experience of working together, he is so) it became clear: it is necessary to tie.
And then a real pigeon comes out from under the patient’s bed))
The next duty, the night, a rather muddy and terribly tired doctor, reclines on the couch, and then such a vile phone call cuts the silence of the night. A nurse from a nearby ward requires you to go to a granny with a hypertensive crisis, and the doctor has nothing to do, cursing under his breath and shuffling his shorts, goes the way. He decides to measure the pressure, but for some reason he is not on the arm closest to him and now he reaches for the arm farther away from him, puts on a cuff, begins to inflate it and … his little head will fall on the chest of the woman and melodic snore is heard. The nurse realized that the doctor was gone in the ward and decided to check what happens there only after half an hour. And an oil painting opens to her: the peacefully sleeping doctor, who laid his little head on the grandmother’s chest. And most importantly, the grandmother did not make any complaints, and on her cheeks there was a shy blush, she waved to the nurse (they say, do not bother me). Half an hour later, the doctor woke up, stretched sweetly and said that he hadn’t slept so well for a long time.
A 40-year-old woman turned to the microsurgery clinic, her vision was about -20. Of course, such a vision with glasses or lenses is not easy to correct, so she went with glasses to -10, it seemed normal. And, suddenly, she decided on laser correction. After the operation, after a certain time, she came with tears in her eyes, and asked … to return everything back. Because the children turned out to be dirty, the husband is old and scary, rumpled some, and at home dust and dirt are impassable!
A young man sat in a towel after a shower and watched TV. On the table there was a bowl with dryers, which the guy ate. I don’t know what got into his head, but he tried on one of them. And not on the finger. To put it on, he dressed it, but in no way removed. Begin to swell and ache. I tried to crush it – even more painfully. From fear causes an ambulance, while shouting in such a way that the dispatcher sends out to the resuscitation team. The composition of the brigade must be mentioned separately. The doctor after the institute, before the ambulance did not work. A paramedic girl after college did not see life either. And the grated fellow medical assistant, who was put to guard this bunch of daisies. A brigade comes in, and the patient is in a towel with a sic stench and a chair. Barely persuaded him to show it. Girls in the paint. The guy went spotted, and the paramedic said to him: – Is there water? – Yes. – Go to the bath! Soak off! The tactics of treatment in the call card: “It is recommended to place the lower half of the body in water until the baked goods are softened.”
I work as a veterinarian. Once I had to explain to a desperate woman that the ticks that she had unsuccessfully tried to pull out of her dog’s body were actually nipples.
We arrived on a call to grandfather 96 years old. Granny is worried that after his three strokes he sees everywhere running spiders that are not there. My paramedic to his grandfather, collecting “spiders” from the wall into the palm of his hand: – What do they say grandpa? Grandfather, poking into the wall: “Spiders! Spiders! ”The paramedic waved his hand to the wall:“ Shoo! Kysh spiders! ”Grandfather turned on his side – and sleep … Without any hell @ * peridola.
In the first o’clock in the morning call to the emergency department. Turned a man, not very sober. Complaints: can not remove the contact lens. I ask – from what eye. He says – with both! Already weird. Soot for slit – conjunctiva is red, edematous, all in hemorrhages, apparently for a long time trying to remove himself. But there are no lenses. I say that the lenses in his eyes did not find. The man is indignant – I see well, it means neither there. Once again I look. I repeat – there are no lenses in the eyes. A man scratches his head, takes out a container, asks to look in a container. I open it – the lenses peacefully float in the solution inside the container. Under self-critical cries: “Here I am a moron!”, “Well, what for so much to drink!”, The man retires into the night.
Challenge to a man of 63 years. He was taken away with a diagnosis of “Left Hip Fracture (?)”. The following question answered the question about the circumstances of the injury: he went to the toilet at night, was hit by a cat.
An employee told how he was undergoing a medical examination at the military enlistment office. They, 15-year-old boys, stripped to their underwear and chase from office to office. And in one of them, the boys are also forced to take off their underpants, probably to check for the presence of genitals. The doctor there was this: more than two meters tall, and even sitting on a chair he was a head taller than them. The next “patient” comes up, the doctor looks at his dignity from top to bottom, and unexpectedly draws out so long: “Ooo-oh-oh …” In such a sad and fallen voice. All immediately became interested in, what is there. And the doctor again: – Ooo-oh-oh, boy … Yes, you have flat feet!
Went to an HIV center, donated blood. There, in front of the psychologist’s office, there is a small aquarium, and a piece of paper is stuck next to it: “Scientists have shown that 10-minute contemplation of fish reduces emotional stress by 70%.” In the aquarium, one fish died, and the second eats it.
I went the other day to do flyuku in a private clinic. I did, I sit at the office – I am waiting for the result. The door is slightly ajar and the dialogues of the doctors are heard “Look how black! Is that how it should be? What a horror! The spots are black, horror! ”I felt like I was turning gray. I thought about how I would tell my mother that everything is Kick to me, how I will fight for my life with a terrible disease. The door opened, I was invited to the office, issued a certificate that everything is OK, healthy. Apologized for having to wait a long time – their printer broke, smears and splashes black paint.
The second most common cause of treatment to ENT doctors is a foreign body in the nose in children. A few days ago, a man with a young son turned to his girlfriend at the hospital, a classic complaint – the son played with the designer and put the detail in his nose. They couldn’t get it out themselves, they came to the hospital. The algorithm in this case is standard: the child’s father is on his knees, the examination of the nose, the confirmation of the presence of a foreign body, the capture and extraction. The detail was returned to the father and while the doctor filled out the history of the disease the father with the words “Damn, is she huge, did she get into the nostril?” Inserts the detail into her nose.
The detail is completely hidden in the nose of the father! In general, my friend had to get the tools again and assist her father. Half an hour later, my father brought a chocolate bar to the doctor, but very quickly ran burgundy from embarrassment.
Before each trip to the dentist we go with the children to the toy store. Choose toys, touch, consider and postpone. With the condition that if we calmly treat our teeth, then we stop by and pick up a toy. It’s expensive, yes, but my children have never cried at the dentist. They are such pensive, sitting, puffing and suffering. They think about the toy. And once, when they said that there was nothing to be treated, my son’s tears began to flow. Typewriter wanted. The doctor was very surprised :))
The employee has a little finger on his leg amputated. I went to visit the hospital, I heard a cry in the corridor: “everything, furniture is fucking, I’m not afraid of you anymore”!
She worked in functional diagnostics on ECG. On the day, about 100 people sometimes. I was young and had time to run between 3 cabins and record, if only there was no queue,
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