So, it’s time to talk about a very important topic, which I have hardly touched on yet. The conversation will go about the mockery of the team, as well as how to respond to them. For me, this is a very sore subject, and many of you probably, just like me, have experienced (or are experiencing) certain problems with people you meet at work or school. In this case, by problems, I mean bullying, ridicule, neglect, and
How I ran into ridicule
I have had to deal with this more than once in my whole life, especially in recent years, but, perhaps, I will not get ahead of myself, but I will tell you everything in order. Kindergarten was the first team where I, like most of you, managed to visit. And at that time they talked about me as a quiet and shy child. However, this did not prevent me from communicating remarkably well with both boys and girls. About any conflicts and speech could not be. The only thing I can remember is the fact that sometimes people joked at me in the courtyard and sometimes it hurt me a lot. However, in general, everything was more than wonderful.
The next stage is the school. Again, everyone knew me as a calm and shy guy, but again this did not prevent me from communicating well with both girls and boys. And the girls enjoyed a good popularity, although it seemed to be modest and quiet. I do not know what happened, but in the 9-10 class, everything has changed very abruptly. I didn’t even notice that I was afraid of the girls like fire, my social circle slightly decreased + one person appeared who liked to let stinging jokes about my problems. Basically, all of his jokes and ridicule went round about the fact that I don’t have a girlfriend, and I simply could not answer him. This is very depressing.
But graduation was nearing, and I had very high hopes for the university. Another city, other people, no one will know about my past …
Finally, I entered, from the very beginning everything went quite well, I found a couple of friends and gradually began to form a circle of communication. I tried in every way to hide the fact that I was really very shy, so I had to communicate and take initiative, but it was worth a lot of effort. I had to rebel wild fear to speak first, say hello and
In fact, I was in a very tense state, as I constantly had to step over my fears. I talked with girls, but it did not bring me any pleasure, but only internal tension. And, naturally, this could not last long. In some situations, I was stupid and behaved, to put it mildly, strangely. Of course this did not go unnoticed by others. At first, the small tingling began, which brought me into a stupor. Well, and then went-gone. As a result, over a short period of time everything turned upside down. I became an outsider, and everyone believed it was due to kick me morally. Every time I went to the university as a funeral,
At first I thought transfer, but did not work out. And where is the guarantee that the new place will not be the same? Therefore I had to solve my problems, but not to flee. And the first step to this was made when I managed to realize that the problem is in me, and not in those people who spoil my life. That is, it does not mean at all that I am trying to justify my offenders, not at all, I just have something provoking such behavior of others.
Over time, I realized that this is pride and many other concepts that can be combined into one thing – the wrong perception of the world. And now I will try to tell you in more detail about the mistakes that I made at that time. I hope this will help you not to step on those rakes, which at one time caught me.
How to respond to ridicule
Do not try to build yourself someone
The very first mistake after appearing in a new team. I immediately began to try to behave very confidently, although in reality I had no confidence. You may be able to fool others for a while, as I did, but over time, your true self will manifest. Therefore, putting on a confidence mask does not make sense. Act easier, listen more to your emotions and talk less. And yet, never start dividing people by importance into hierarchical levels, as this may haunt you later.
Do not be silent
Before that, I often heard that in order for the offender to stop pestering you, you just need not pay attention to him. However, I did not give this trick. And how can you be silent if you are openly insulted? Therefore, it is necessary to react, but it is necessary to respond calmly and in no case shout. Of course, at such a moment to remain calm is not very easy, so try to breathe deeper. This will help you relax a bit (at least it helps me) and give a less clear answer.
Learn to laugh at yourself
This is a very important point. If you take all the jokes in your direction dryly and too seriously (as I did), then the chance that you will be chosen as a victim is very large.
But this method is suitable at the very beginning, that is, as soon as you are in the new team. Later (that is, when the ridicule became systematic) it may not roll, you will still be answered even more aggressively, because you have already formed an idea as a rag, about which now everyone can wipe their feet. Well, if you still do not know well, then repay the same coin. It is likely that this will stop the offenders and they will find a new victim.
Bring the situation to the point of absurdity
When you once again hear a poignant statement – do not make excuses, support the offenders and bring the situation to the point of absurdity. For example, because of my somewhat weird behavior, I was often in a joking way pestering me with the questions “are you a drug addict?”, “What are you throwing at?” And
In conclusion, I want to say that now I am even glad that this all happened to me, as I became stronger in character and looked at some things in a different way. Although earlier I was just desperate from the situation.
Of course, I have not touched on a lot of nuances, but I hope that I will write about them a bit later (subscribe to updates, so as not to miss). If there are any questions, then as usual – comments are open.
Hello, my name is Nikita and I am the creator of this site. Have suggestions / questions about the site? Then write to the mail or personal messages of the VKontakte group. Need help solving problems? Sign up for a consultation.