Quarrel with friends

We often receive letters from readers about how not to quarrel with friends because of an unpaid debt, a forgotten wallet, or someone else’s man who for some reason does not want to pay for all the girls in the company.

Friend borrowed

“My girlfriend borrowed a decent amount from me for a month“ before the salary ”, but for a year now she has not paid back the debt. The seriousness of the situation lies in the fact that I live alone with the children, and she is only with her husband, and they both work. In addition, this year they managed to go to rest in Italy and Cyprus, although a friend said that she could not repay right now. What should I do: continue to hint, say directly, or maybe pretend that I have no more money and have to live in poverty because of it? ”

Ksenia Bragina comments:

For a start, it is worthwhile to call a friend for a conversation and remind you of the agreements and terms of debt repayment. Remember that in the event of a conflict, you may not be refunded at all, offer a compromise, for example, you can divide the amount into acceptable parts and set new deadlines.

Quarrel with friends

And as a “creditor,” you should draw conclusions for the future. Before you lend to someone, imagine yourself as a bank employee and analyze whether your “borrower” can get the money back on time? What is his income? What is spending money on? And in general, is he a mandatory and responsible person? And only after that make a decision. If you do not want to spoil the relationship, then it is better not to lend money, but if you decide, then issue a receipt and think, and with what real amount you are ready to part forever.

Layfkhak from the editorial. By the way, we know a great way to not just hint, but delicately demand a return of debt. If a friend has a VKontakte page, then in correspondence with her in the attachment menu (a “clip”, with the help of which you usually send photos or audio recordings) you can find the “Money” item and request a money transfer for the amount of the debt.

Shipped on a gift

“The four of us with friends decided to throw off a joint gift to a common friend, I bought a gift. Two guys gave their part, and the third – not in a hurry. It was so fun at the holiday that he forgot, then he was very busy, then he left, another time he didn’t take the money with him, etc. My reminders about the debt only lead to additional rummaging and postponement. Tell me, what else do I have to get my money? ”

Ksenia Bragina comments:

The debtor can manipulate and rely on the fact that you may already be ashamed to ask about the debt or forget about it at all. In this case, do not be afraid that your relationship will deteriorate, just calmly remind you of the debt, even if it is small. If a person is not from the near circle – think, is it necessary to communicate with an optional person at all?

Layfkhak from the editorial. Try again to remind about the debt in the same chatik, where you were throwing a gift with your friends – the debtor should be ashamed, because now everyone knows about his non-binding attitude to money.

Enhance and envy

“One of my friends got a promotion at work, her material (well, almost social) status has changed dramatically. She chooses other places to meet, wears more expensive things, and so on. The problem is that now I cannot afford such expensive meetings, but I don’t know how to tell her about it. It also seems to me that she herself sometimes shy of her money. Well, to be honest, I envy a little. ”

Comments on Maria Desyatskikh:

An open and sincere dialogue will help to find suitable ways for both to continue communication on equal terms, appreciating and respecting each other. It is important to separate the two areas – material (work) and non-material (your friendship). These are the areas between which it is impossible to choose.

And remember that jealousy can be an excellent springboard for your own achievements. After all, when this feeling arises, a person notices that he can do some aspects of his life better. And this is where friends can help – with support, advice, experience, faith in you and your strength.

Layfkhak from the editorial. If you manage to honestly talk about everything with your girlfriend, you can come to a compromise and meet in different places, for example, once in your old favorite cafe, in another – a little more expensive (be sure to discuss the amount that you will comfortably spend on such meetings ). But when the increase will overtake you, you will know where to take your new friends or colleagues.

Hungry guests

“I am a very hospitable person and all the time I try to set the table and treat me with something unusual. But no one ever thought to bring food or drinks with them or to offer to compensate me the expenses, as if at my place there was a real self-dressing tablecloth. I would like to continue to get together, but it hits the wallet and becomes a problem. How to gently hint to friends that I am very glad to them, but I can not keep all the parties, so as not to seem like a beech and a greedy one? ”

Comments on Maria Desyatskikh:

Often, people do not make their contribution simply because they think that this state of affairs quite suits you. But no one can read minds. Just say what you don’t like.

Answer your questions:

What does not suit you in the current state of affairs?

What, on the contrary, like?

How would you like this to happen?

What are you ready to provide (a platform? Something else?), And that is definitely not ready.

When you answer these questions, it will be very easy to talk and together find suitable ways to resolve the situation. I am sure that your guests will suggest ways themselves if the topic is voiced.

Layfkhak from the editorial. Ask your friends who wants to drink at the next party and offer to bring it with you. The easiest way to do this is in the general chat of VKontakte – there you can immediately drop back on organizing the table with the help of group fundraising (the “Money” item in the attachment menu).

Date threesome

“We often go to a cafe together with my boyfriend and (my) girlfriend. The problem is that a friend firmly believes that if there is a man in the company (and not important, busy or free), he must always pay. She never even pretends to reach for her wallet. Help, how can I hint a friend that a man only pays for his woman? Maybe I should defiantly start paying for myself to shame my freeloader friend? ”

Comments on Maria Desyatskikh:

The question arises: you are not satisfied with the fact that a man pays for a girlfriend, or that a friend walks with you when I would like to be together?

In any case, the question of money should first be raised in a pair. A man can pay simply because it seems to him that you expect this from him. For such conversations, it is good to use the so-called “I-utterance” (tell us about your feelings, not blaming). This form of conversation is non-judgmental and involves respect for the partner – and in the end the dialogue is likely to come out very constructive.

Then apply the same tactics in a conversation with a friend. The “I-utterance” skill may at first be unusual, but when you train yourself it will be much easier to negotiate with people!

Layfkhak from the editorial. Maybe you introduce your girlfriend to a handsome boyfriend of your boyfriend? Or, for a change, to meet with her together, so that nothing irritates you, then surely then the meetings themselves will be easier and more pleasant.

Like this post? Please share to your friends:
Leave a Reply