Hello, lovely women! A little distracted from the topic – in the comments to the article Criteria for choosing a gift and a blog competition We create – We are not lazy, there were those who wanted to see the photo of the lamp that was presented to me. I promised to show it. So come and see. I now turn to the topic of the article.
I have already mentioned somewhere that I have a second marriage. This is now no surprise. And in my environment there are many such families. But there is a nuance that greatly hinders the development of family relations, and it is in the head of a woman. I will not cover men in this article. Probably, they have their own cockroaches, but so far I have not got to them. Let’s talk about women
What is jealousy?
So, I’m sure that every woman (well, or almost every) is faced with such a concept as jealousy of ex-wives, girlfriends, girls. And we, even understanding all the baselessness of cavils, harass the husband and ourselves, putting our relationships at risk. And today I want to share my advice on how not to be jealous of my husband for the past.
Jealousy is a strong feeling, side by side with love. After all, we all expect from our halves of unconditional loyalty and at the slightest hint of betrayal, we literally “stand up”, trying to check the fact of sympathy for the former girlfriend. In principle, the possessive instinct is completely legitimate and normal, another thing is when jealousy becomes pathological and harms family relationships.
I propose to consider the most well-known causes of jealousy for her husband and tips to combat them.
The woman believes that she is worse than the former passion of her lover: less slender, bright, intelligent, successful, and so on. This further reduces self-esteem and makes you nervous. Indeed, how to keep such an ideal husband, if she herself is far from a goddess?
I had no problems with that. I thought that I was more beautiful, slimmer, smarter, more attractive, wiser. And my man supported me in this.
Council It is important to understand that there will always be someone better than you, this is normal. But this fact does not mean that you are not worth the attention! Each person is unique, with his virtues, amazing abilities and inclinations, and it is they who need to be developed, cherished, used to achieve their goals in life. Love yourself and your husband will adore you.
Also, do not completely immerse yourself in your husband, forgetting about yourself. Sober mind will tell you what to do. You do not need to spin around a partner, but to become a person who is interesting for her husband. Recall your skills and inclinations, go in for sports, go to the pool, find a new hobby and make time for your work and meetings with friends. So there will be less time for stupid thoughts, there will be a reason to be proud of yourself and an understanding that you are worthy of your husband, so why should he look around?
Habit constantly evaluate relationships with loved ones
Sometimes you want to objectively assess the situation in the family and the attitude of the husband, and then there may be suspicions of infidelity, for example, because the faithful began to pay less attention to you.
By this I sin still. Just the other day, an eclipse found me, and I accused my husband that he stopped paying attention to me, did not call for a walk, and in general I was all so unhappy, even burst into tears from self-pity. Screw what is not – well, I’m a woman. A woman can create a scandal out of nothing. As a result, my husband brought me a stunning bouquet of roses. But you can not do that.
Council It is important to analyze the husband’s behavior impassively, most likely he simply doesn’t have time to become habitual during the bouquet and candy courtship period, life has entered a quiet course and now you don’t need to give your favorite presents and compliments. Why, if you already belong to him legally? There is nothing bad in a small cooling of feelings; it does not at all mean that a man gives his attention to other ladies. It is necessary to learn to trust the spouse – this is a sign of maturity of the relationship.
The presence of many former passions or wife
The faithful had considerable experience in love affairs, and former girls as if they were picking up beauty and reason. How to compare with them and win in the unspoken competition?
Council Remember that, despite all the love affairs, the husband chose you, and jealousy of the past is simply groundless. After all, there is something in you, thanks to which the beloved made an offer for you, I wanted to spend my life together, have children, create comfort. Leave all the old events in the past, where they belong.
Propensity for jealousy
Some women are naturally inclined to experience a strong possessive feeling, thinking about the past of her husband most of all, because it is impossible to change it and it does not belong to them, touching only her spouse. As a result, dark thoughts are constantly overcome, which results in irritation, nervousness. And where does a woman pour all this negative? True to the beloved!
Council Trying to avoid baseless accusations, this not only annoys the man, but can push him to rash acts, according to the principle “if you suspected how many times, then why commit a sin.” If you feel that you are ready to fall for your beloved, then try to distract yourself – read, take a walk, do what you love.
Frequent communication with the former wife
Many men enter new marriages, which is even good if they have learned from their mistakes. After all, any relationship is an important experience that shaped the personality of the faithful. Believe me, without the influence of the former, he would not be so gentle, understanding, reliable. So in some ways this woman can even thank! In addition, she could not hold him, and the man got you.
My husband before me had two wives and occasionally he communicates with them until now. The children stayed. The first years I was frantic when they called. The first was already married for a long time, and she rarely called. But here is the second … She seemed to be testing my patience on purpose. After her call, my mood deteriorated sharply, and how much my husband did not try to explain to me that there was only a child, I did not want to listen to anything. Then my mind returned to me, and, thank God, now I calmly perceive conversations with my ex-wife.
Council Take the last marriage of a loved one as a given and extract from it your conclusions. Find out what caused the gap and do not allow it in your relationship. Of course, if the faithful devotes too much time to his ex, especially if she didn’t want to leave, then you should be careful here – what if she seriously intends to return her husband to the old family, using the already known levers of influence on the boyfriend? Here it is better to gently ask your beloved about the reasons for communicating with a rival and give him a lift to the idea that this woman should become part of the past, not of today.
Love for children from the first marriage
After the wedding, every woman wants her lover to belong to her completely and not to share it with her parents, friends, and especially children from her first marriages.
My husband has two sons from first marriages. Moreover, the second son lives with us. And this is his choice. He communicates with his mother on the phone, sometimes he goes to visit and that suits him. Of course, this was not always the case. But for 12 years, that we together his son periodically, constantly lives with us. We also relax together. The eldest son is now an adult and has his own family, but there was a time when he had difficulties with him, and he had to support his husband in his worries. Therefore, children separately, wives separately.
Council Immediately it should be said, jealousy of the past husband should not apply to his children. Yes, he divorced his wife, but the children will forever remain his native people, and this is not just normal, but even excellent. Think, suddenly you too will part, and your kid will remain without fatherly attention – it will be good? So children from early marriages are not to blame for the fact that their father and mother could not live together, so it would be wiser not to hinder the meetings of these native people and even welcome children, inviting them into the house and trying to establish friendships.
Jealousy is a strong feeling that in small doses brings a bright highlight to the relationship, but with regular manifestation it can completely destroy family happiness. So let’s be smarter, and do not give in to these negative emotions! Good-bye, I wish you a cloudless family happiness, mutual understanding, trust and love! If you have found interesting information for yourself, do not be lazy to share the article with your girlfriends, see you soon!