If the husband raised his hand

She decided to jump over the rails. But the train flew, and she flew to the side without hind legs. The toad lies and thinks: “And the legs were beautiful, we must return after them.” Crawled on the rail – and then the train again, and the toad was headless. So let’s drink together for not losing your head because of a pair of beautiful legs!

Once I had an interesting conversation with a familiar Parisian. “A good woman,” he said, “is one that has a husband and a lover.” – Yes? I thought it was bad, – I shrugged my shoulders. – No, the bad is the one that only has a lover. “I always thought it was a fallen woman.” – You know, the fallen is the one that has no one at all. – And I thought it was lonely. – No, lonely – this is the one that has only a husband. I think, friends, we should drink for single women!

Let’s slam vodka over the new generation that chooses "Pepsi"! Because now we will have a lot more!

In the evening, a young woman in the mail with a trembling hand fills out a telegram blank. I wrote one text, crumpled up the form, threw it in the basket; the second blank followed. And only the third she filed through the window, asking to send a telegram urgently. A curious telegraph operator who was watching her picked up and smoothed out the discarded forms. The first reported: – It’s over. I don’t know you anymore. Text two: – Do not write to me and do not try to see. And the one that he sent, read: – Waiting for the nearest train. I raise the glass for the constancy of the female character!

One sultan kept his harem a few kilometers from the palace. And for the next girl every day he sent his young servant. The Sultan himself quietly rested in a hundred years, and his servant died away, having just over thirty. Conclusion: men are not killed by love games with women, but by running after them. Let us lift the glasses for the dream: so that we do not run after the women, but they follow us!

One evening, Petya is sitting with his Anyone, drinking under a snack. Lyuba clouded over, and she said: “We live here with you, Petya, which is the year we have children, but we still don’t know each other.” I want to obey, Petya! I am a color blind, I don’t distinguish colors, but I was ashamed to tell you! Forgive me, Petya! “And then,” says Petya, “I thought, you know that you live with a black man!” So let’s have a drink, friends, so that in our family life we ​​will more attentively and face each other more often!

I want to wish you that your heart was always easy, and hard in your pockets.

Givi goes on a desert desert, coming to the mountains. And suddenly Givi hears a loud terrible cry. Sees Givi – in front of him the entrance to a dark cave. Givi enters the cave carefully. Suddenly – he sees: the Phoenix bird has nestled its bare bottom on a hot frying pan and is yelling. Givi is surprised: – Listen, Phoenix bird, why do you sit naked butt on a hot frying pan and yell? – Oh, Givi! Tell me: would I not sit on a hot frying pan and scream, who would pay attention to me? So let’s drink to our women, who don’t have to sit naked in the hot frying pan and shout only to pay attention to them!

To eat and drink, To want and be able, To everyone and everywhere Was with whom and where was!

Quiet rural courtyard, where a rooster in the corner tramples a chicken. Then he goes out onto the porch of Georgians with a sack of seeds, which he slowly clicks, and then throws a handful of seeds onto the ground. The rooster, seeing an unexpected gift, bounces off the chicken and begins to greedily fill his stomach. And the owner, watching this scene, sadly shook his head: "God forbid so hungry"! I suggest everyone to drink together for the abundance of both food and girlfriends!

And now let’s raise our glasses so that we have everything, and we would have nothing for it! And also for the fact that we always have the time and opportunity to use it!

One sobriety advocate speaks to his listeners: – Understand, unfortunate, how low you have fallen – below the cattle. Just put one bucket of water in front of the donkey and the other with wine. What will he choose? – Water! – the audience responds amicably. – You see: water. And why? – Because the donkey! – I heard the same friendly answer. We will not be like an ass – and together we will raise for it glasses of wine!

Climbing up the mountain chain climbers. And suddenly the first in a bunch of climber in a snake bit into the penis. He asks to be handed over the chain to the doctor who comes last: “Bitten by a snake, what to do?” When the news reached the doctor, he ordered to convey: – We must quickly suck! When the answer reached the second climber in a bunch, he opened his mouth. and shut it down. Bitten asks: – Well? What did the doctor report? – Doctor say. you will die anyway! So let us dry our glasses so that there are always women in the bundle with us!

And now I propose to drink for business and sex, which translated into native Russian means: for success in work and personal life!

Women are like flowers, which are especially amazing when they bloom. So let’s drink to the ravishing amazing women!

Once, Eagle flew high in the sky. A necklace of large pearls glittered around his neck. Here the Golden Eagle flies out from behind a cloud and demands: "Give me the way!" But the Eagle proudly refused, and then a fight ensued. They fought for a long time, and no one could win. The golden eagle grabbed the necklace with its beak and tore it. And the pearls rolled all over the Earth. So let’s drink to the Beautiful Pearls that did the honor of our company and sit at this table with us!

Once upon a time a young horseman with his young beautiful wife rode on a horse through the mountains of wonderful Georgia. He was strong, fast, zorok and smart. And suddenly a mountain goat jumped onto the rock. Dzhigit snatched his gun and shot at the animal, but the goat did not even move. Then he stopped the horse and made an aimed shot, but the goat stood like a rock under it. Djigit dismounted, got on his knee and fired again, and the goat easily jumped to the side and disappeared. A young horseman and his young wife died of starvation. So let us drink to ensure that such goats do not come across on our way of life!

If the husband raised his hand

A tortoise is swimming across the river, a poisonous snake coiled up on its back. Snake thinks: "Bite – fold". Turtle thinks: "Dump-bite!". So let’s drink for the true female friendship, which helps to overcome any obstacles!

Friends, let’s remember: Wine in a glass should be drunk while it is playing. While living – you need to live, two lives do not happen. Raise the glasses!

Fig us beautiful women ?. Well, and if we are not beautiful, then the men have just snicked!

Female Toast: I raise this toast to the men! But let’s not drink at idle – they are unlikely to offer us a hand and a heart, not to mention the nest egg. And for the divorced will not drink – they were bad husbands. And we girls will drink for women – they pigeon their wives, and we are not forgotten!

They say vodka is our enemy. But when were we afraid of our enemies?

Let’s drink to those on board. And those who are behind, and get drunk!

A toast for a student company: For those who naively think that we are learning here – for our parents!

Odessa is walking along Deribasovskaya street, well, you know what this street in Odessa means! He walks to himself, suddenly he sees – a door with a sign "Brothel". Of course, it comes in – he’s a man and Odessa. And there are two doors, on one plate – "brunettes", another – "blondes". He, of course – to the blonde. He is from Odessa. Enters – again two doors. On one – "thick", On the second – "thin". Naturally, he pushes the door to the fat ones – from Odessa. And here again two doors. The inscriptions on them – "beautiful" and "ugly". He, of course, to the beautiful. And there – damn it! – the doors too: "paid" and "free". He, of course, pushes in the door to free and. turns back to Deribasovskaya. And my toast is for our choices not to be too picky and always able to stop on time!

Do not accept, Lord, for drunkenness – take for medicine. We, Lord, do not drink, we only get treated. True, not a teaspoon, but full tea glasses. And, alas, not even every other day, but every day. But not for drunkenness, but just so as not to break the habit. So go away forever, mean evil spirit, stay clean alcohol, and not to the detriment of the sinful servant of the Lord. Amen.

Everyone knows: children are the real flowers of life. So let’s give these flowers periodically to beautiful girls! For which we drink!

They say that every drunk glass of vodka is a nail in the lid of our coffin. Let’s drink in such a way that this coffin will not fall apart forever!

It is known that we are born with a cry, and die with a groan. Let’s drink for the fact that between crying and groaning our life was full of laughter!

If the husband raised his hand

In fierce winter, the sparrows ride along the road, hungry and freezing. A cow appeared on the road. And suddenly a warm mass – chpok! – shmyakatsya on sparrow. He was frightened, but soon he warmed up, with joy he stuck his head out of a cow cake and screamed loudly. A cat running alongside heard a tweet and devoured the poor little sparrow. The moral of this parable is simple: not everyone is an enemy who has watered you with shit, not everyone is a friend who has taken you out of this shit; and if you are sitting in shit, then sit quietly and do not tweet. And drain our glasses for us to understand this!

Genres from the point of view of men look like this. Comedy: when it is when there is – where, there is – what, but – there is nobody. Drama: this is when there is – with whom, there is – what, but – nowhere. Tragedy: it is when there is – where, there is – with whom, but – there is nothing But when there is – where, there is – with whom, there is – what, but – why? – this is already high, it is a whole philosophy. So let everyone drink for the love that he has and deserves!

I was entrusted to say the first toast today (option: I took the liberty to say the first toast) and tell you all: Goodbye! Sober today we are unlikely to see you!

I want to remember for you the old Caucasian toast. Let’s drink to make you live for 100 years. And so in 100 years you were buried. But you would not just die, but you were killed. And not just killed, but with a dagger. And not just stabbed, but because of jealousy. And not just out of stupid jealousy, but for the cause! Here for this and drink!

Once upon a time there lived a sage who had a beautiful daughter. And there were two contenders for her hand: rich and poor. The sage refused the rich and gave his daughter for the poor. And when he was asked to explain such a choice, he said: – The rich man is extremely stupid, and I guess that he will lose his wealth. And the poor man is intelligent, and I am sure that he will succeed. Be with us today that wise man, he would also raise his glass so that when choosing a groom, they would assess the potential of his brain, and not his wallet!

Let’s remember that you should not chase a woman, as if for a retreating tram. After all, another tram will come soon. I suggest to drink for such a schedule, according to which the trams would go one by one!

And I remind you the old toast poem: So let’s drink here, In the next world will not give! Well, and if they give there – Let’s drink there and drink here! And so we do!

And my toast is: For your health and for our wealth! Have a drink!

Raised a king, a widower, a beautiful daughter, and she take and give birth to a son for him unexpectedly. Angry king was looking for the culprit, but did not find. Daughter punished by locking her in the tower. A year later, she gave birth to another son. At this point the king was angry at all. The daughter placed in the most impregnable tower, the entrance to it was immured, below – security. But a year later the third son was born. And for whom do we raise glasses? Of course, for Carlson, who lives on the roof!

An important big bird flies high in the sky, smoothly and stately batting its wings. A small bird scurries around and asks: “Where are we going, huh?” And for what? But the big bird is silent. – Why do we fly in this direction? And where? Finally, the big bird slowly turns its head: – I do not know. This toast is dedicated to our academic leaders!

I am told: "Do not drink!"and I do not drink. And what do I see? His wretched wife and a leaky roof. I say do not drink, but I quietly drink and see: His beautiful wife, his patched roof! So let’s dry our glasses for something that can make our life better than it is!

My friends! I want you to drink for my old friend, whom I occasionally recall. I always remember him in the middle of the night, in the afternoon, morning and evening, when I go to work and during work, when I am going to visit or run in the park, on vacation by the sea, under a blue sky, torrential rain and snow. In short, I remember my friend always and everywhere, even now, at this table .. But at the same time I can’t remember this friend, the devils would take it! But still, let’s drink to a friend whom I remember all the time!

Three women wander through the desert. No water, no food, power is running out. But an oasis appeared, surrounded by a high wall, and the gate is not visible. One woman, thinking, said: – Let there be as many steps as I have been in bed with a man." A long staircase appeared, this woman climbed up the wall, and descended calmly down. Then another woman asked: – Let there be as many steps as I have been in bed with a man. A ladder immediately arose, but only to the top. The woman rose and jumped to the ground of the oasis. And what about the third woman? She just cried silently. Let’s raise our glasses together so that our women have no reason for tears! Friends, I suggest to drink for women. We, by and large, don’t care what to drink, but they are pleased.

I have an offer, my friends. Let’s drink for the last time and confidently, without hesitation, declare: – Let it be difficult for us more than once in our lives, but no matter what sorrows and troubles wait for us to come, we will never drink. do not stop!

Once a pretty girl was walking in the desert and carrying a jug of water on her shoulder. And towards – a man dying of thirst. He begged: – Oh, take pity, give me at least a sip of water! The girl passed by. And when she returned after some time, the man had already died. Let’s move the glasses for the beautiful girls to give us whenever we need it, and not when they suddenly want it!

It is believed that if there is no wedding ring on the finger of a married woman, if she does not wear earrings and brooches, she does not wear pendants, necklaces and bracelets, this is evidence that she married only for love! Let us sincerely raise the glasses for the unfeigned true love!

I think you should go nuts for my health! Let me explain why. The chain here is this: I am healthy – it means my second half is healthy. The health of my wife ensures that all the men in this city are healthy. And since men are healthy – healthy and all the women of the city. And this guarantees my health! Let’s drink to it!

Vano and Manana fell in love and soon got married. And then Vano is sent on a business trip. And he calms a young wife: – Bored only three days – and I’ll be back. But now all three days have passed, and five times three days, and ten times. does not return vano. Manana was greatly alarmed, and sent telegrams to ten cities where Vano’s true friends lived. And soon, ten telegrams were delivered to Manana, and each friend wrote: “Do not worry, Vano is here!” Drain the glasses for the faithful friends who are always with us and in trouble and joy!

A real man is only one who does not forget about the birthday of a woman, but never call her age. And the man who, when he has grown, cannot remember the birthday of a woman, but always remembers how old she is — it is her real husband. Today we drink for real men!

One wise Georgian said: If you want to be happy one day, get drunk. If you want to be happy for a week – get sick. If you want to be happy for a month – marry. If you want to be happy year – make a mistress. If you want to be happy all your life – take care of your health! So let’s drink together for the happiness of all those present at this table today – for health!

When God fashioned man from clay, he had a small piece left. And God asked: – What do you still blind? The man looked at himself: head, arms, legs. everything seems in place, everything is there. And then he asked: – Shake me, if possible, happiness. But the all-knowing and omniscient God did not know what this is – human happiness. Then he gave a piece of clay to the man and said: – You know, blind yourself to your own happiness. And we sculpt as much as we can – that’s what we’ll drink together!

Let’s drink to one day we went down the street, and then the money went on the attack! And so that we could not defend against them!

The boy walked into a pastry shop and said he wanted to buy a chocolate man. “Do you prefer a girl or a boy?” – The seller asked. – Boy, of course! – immediately answered the boy. So raise the glasses for these additional five grams!

They say that the black line of failures sometimes becomes the take-off strip. So let’s sprinkle our happy prospects on the runway!

A curious little camel asks his mom: – Mom, why does a horse have such thin and slender legs, and we have such limb curves? – So that we always pass through the desert, where the horse just gets stuck. – Mom, but the horse has chubby teeth, why then do we have such bent and crooked things, and even saliva sets in on time? – So that we can eat the thorns in the desert, which the horse cannot. – Mom, what is the back of a horse beautiful, smooth, and what on our back flounders? – With this we can survive in the desert for two weeks without water, and the horse – will not survive. – Mom, and FIG us all this, if we live in a zoo? Let’s have a drink so that we can survive in our zoo!

For drinking there are such different occasions: Commemoration, celebration, Meeting, farewell, Christening, wedding and divorce, Frost, hunting, New Year, Recovery, housewarming, Sadness, repentance, fun, Success, reward, new rank And just drunkenness – for no reason . So we have a reason to drink again!

A girl is walking along a deserted street, and suddenly someone’s footsteps sounded behind her. She looks around, sees a calm, handsome guy walking. She paused, looked around again, saw that he was still walking, catching up with her, and thought that maybe it was worth getting to know him. But when she looked back, the boy disappeared. And now it’s time to drink for the city to finally close all sewer manholes!

Congratulations and wishes: To be healthy in Siberian, To live long in Caucasus, to be cheerful in Gypsy and to drink vodka in Russian!

The husband fills a glass with vodka. Wife says: – Dear, you have not forgotten? We go to visit. You still have time for everything. Please have a little patience! The spouse somehow forgot about patience, but got a lot of money. So after all we are not the gods, and we can forget some little things. But the main thing – no way! For which we will move the glasses!

Toast for ladies’ company. Let those who did not get cry, let those who did not want us die!

Let’s have a drink so that we walk quietly along the street late at night and suddenly we are attacked by money! And we certainly could not beat them off!

Once a wise man said: – Do not be so dry as to crunch and break. But do not be so wet that you squeezed like a rag. Let our family sky be partly cloudy, only without precipitation, with the air temperature closer to zero and the temperature of the liquid in the bottle 40 degrees! We’ll throw in a glass so that this cool forecast will come true on all holidays and weekends!

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